Possessed, Distressed, and a Little Confused
by Sailor-Heart-Earth
Summary: We started this fic a LONG time ago, so the first two and half chapters are only ok.  After that, though, it gets hiLARious.  It's an AU story with the inclusion of Mai's sister and an 8th Mil. Item... sort of.  You get a cookie if you get our references.
1. The Meeting

29

Joey Falls In Love

Chapter One: The Meeting

Joey and Yugi were once again looking out at the sea. They were on their way to Duelist Kingdom, a tournament of all the greatest duelists, and as they looked out at the turbulent ocean, they were each filled with their own secret, silent worries. Joey voiced one of his own fears. "Yugi, what if I don't have enough strong cards? Or enough cards period?"

"I'm sure you will, Joey." Yugi said encouragingly.

"But how do you KNOW?" Joey asked in his Brooklyn accent.

"Well, here. Take this card." Yugi answered, pulling Time Wizard out of his deck. "It will help you get out of tight spots."

"If you're giving away cards, I want one," a voice added behind them.

Joey and Yugi turned around. A woman, dressed in a tight-fitting white shirt and flowing purple skirt had strolled up next to them. Her long brown hair hung almost to her hips, and she was just a little bit shorter than Joey. She had a sharp, angular face, piercing blue eyes, and full, red lips. She paused, surveying them, and finally said in her deep, throaty voice, "I said, if you're giving away cards, I want one."

"Oh, he's not giving away cards." Joey hastily exclaimed. "Yugi's just giving me one because we're friends."

The woman looked at them with new respect. "So you're the Yugi and friend that my sister told me about."

"Your sister?!" Joey exclaimed. "She must have been that Mai Valentine person who called me a chump!"

"She called you a chump? That sounds like her. Sorry, sometimes Mai can come on a little strong, but she's good at heart." She turned to Yugi and asked, "So, you're the famous Yugi Moto? The one who beat Kaiba?"

"Uh huh, that's me." Yugi nodded. "And this is my friend Joey Wheeler."

"Nice to meet you, Yugi," she nodded, "Joey," she nodded again. "I'm Sanai. Sanai Valentine."

"Nice meeting you, Sanai." Yugi and Joey chorused. Then Joey leaned down beside Yugi and whispered, "I think she's even cuter than her hot sister!"

"I heard that," Sanai replied, amused.

"WHAT!!??" Joey exclaimed, blushing furiously.

"It's ok. Sanai said. Then, suddenly shy, she added, "I think you're cute too."

"Really?" Joey asked, shocked, while Yugi just stood there looking bemused... or possibly amused. Then an abrupt change took place. "Well, of course you do. Most girls do. I'm just so sought after," he added airily.

"I'm sure," Sanai said, her eyelashes fluttering as if there were an island breeze concentrated on her face. "So, anyway, Yugi, how did you beat Seto Kaiba? He's one of the best players in the world!"

"Well-" Yugi started.

"Oh, I can tall you _all_ about that." Joey interrupted. He swaggered over to her, and both Yugi and Sanai were fighting not to laugh at him.

"He beat him with Exodia," said a nasally voice behind them.

"What?" the group asked as they turned to face the speaker.

"Yugi beat Seto Kaiba with Exodia, the Forbidden One," the little boy replied. He had short blue hair, and was about the same size as Yugi, which wasn't very tall. His golden-rimmed glasses gleamed up at them, and he stared at Yugi with a strange expression on his face.

"Oh, hello Weevil," Yugi said politely.

"Weevil?" Sanai asked, looking blankly from Yugi to Weevil.

Weevil got a good look at Sanai, and changed his manner completely. "I apologize, my sweet, for not making your lovely acquaintance at once." Weevil said smoothly, grabbing Sanai's hand and kissing it before she could pull away. "I am Weevil, the champion of the last duel tournament. That means I am one of the top duelists in the world," Weevil added condescendingly. "And you are?" he looked up at her.

"This," Joey said, placing an arm possessively around Sanai's shoulders, "is Sanai Valentine, my girlfriend."

Yugi looked at Sanai for a moment, waiting to see if she would yell at Joey or slap him or at least glare at him for his impertinence (obviously Yugi had been spending too much time with his Grandfather to think of using words like "impertinence") but she merely blushed prettily and allowed Joey to stake his claim.

Abruptly losing interest, Weevil turned back to Yugi. "Can I see them?" he asked.

"See what?" Yugi inquired.

"Exodia! Can I see the five cards that form Exodia, the Forbidden One!" Weevil said impatiently.

"Oh," said Yugi, reaching for his cards. "Of course. I don't see any reason why not."

"I do." Joey muttered darkly to Sanai. "I don't trust that guy. Did you see how he treated you?"

"Just because a guy hits on me, it doesn't make him evil." Sanai replied, amused. "Otherwise pretty much every guy in the world would be evil! But I do see what you mean. No honest person could change attitudes that quickly."

Meanwhile, Yugi had handed Weevil the five cards that had helped him make history; he was the first person to be able to draw all five cards in one game, the first person to be able to summon the unbeatable Exodia. "I spent the entire trip thus far thinking of a plan to beat Exodia." Weevil said, looking at the cards. "However, I couldn't think of anything… until now." Quickly, Weevil turned and threw the cards overboard.

"No!" Yugi shouted! "Not my grandfather's cards! Not Exodia!"

Sanai turned to Weevil. "How could you?" she cried, slapping him hard across the face. "How could you do that to someone who trusted you?" she asked, slapping him again. The second slap dislodged his glasses, which followed the cards into the ocean.

"My glasses!" Weevil cried.

"Serves you right!" said Sanai vindictively, but then she was distracted by a loud splash. While Sanai was looking for the cause of the splashing sound, Weevil stumbled away blindly.

"Joey!" Yugi called.

"What?" Sanai exclaimed, rushing beside Yugi. She peered overboard, the rail pressing into her, and saw Joey swimming beside the boat.

"I'll rescue your cards, Yugi!" he shouted up at them.

"Joey, no!" Yugi cried. "You don't have to do this!"

Grabbing a floating card, Joey called, "I got one!"

"Joey, come back!" Sanai cried. "It's not worth it! The boat will leave you behind!"

"I got another one!" Joey cried, ignoring all protests from above. "Just three more to go!" Then, in a quieter voice, he added, "It's… so… cold."

"Joey, NO!!!" Sanai shouted down at him. "Come back!"

"I've… almost… got it!" Joey panted, and then sank into the dark ocean.

With an anguished cry, "Joey!" Sanai slumped down against the rail, sobbing uncontrollably. Then, she heard another splash, and once more peered overboard. "Yugi!" she cried, for Yugi had jumped into the sea to save Joey! Yugi pulled Joey's head out of the water so he could breathe, but Joey was too big for him, and Sanai knew that if she didn't act soon, neither of them would survive.

She jumped up, calling for help. "Joey and Yugi have fallen overboard! Help, someone! Please, they won't last much longer!"

Suddenly, a tall girl with short brown hair came running out of an alcove, quickly followed by an even taller guy with the same color brown hair. Then Sanai saw what they were carrying behind them.

"A ladder!" she cried. "Take it over here!" she called over her shoulder as she rushed to the spot where Yugi frantically paddled to stay afloat.

Lowering the ladder, the new girl called, "Yugi, Joey! Climb onto the ladder. We'll help pull you up!"

Sanai didn't waste breath talking. She merely pulled with all her might. Slowly but surely the ladder began to rise. Finally, with one last heave, Sanai and the two other people pulled Joey and Yugi on board.

Sanai immediately ran over to Joey. Kneeling beside him, she put her arms around him, and hugged him tightly. "Are you ok?" she asked worriedly.

"I think so. Just c-c-cold." Joey replied.

"Good." Sanai said. Then she slapped him, but not very hard. "Now don't you EVER do a thing like that again, do you here me? EVER!!!" she shouted at him.

"Ok, ok," Joey answered meekly.

Then Sanai turned to the two people who had helped them during the rescue. "Thank you, both of you, for helping me save Yugi and Joey."

"No problem," the girl answered. "They're our friends too. My name is Tea, and-"

"And I'm Tristan!" Tristan said, jumping up and bowing. "It's always a pleasure to help out a lovely lady such as yourself. What is your name?"

"I'm Sanai Valentine," she replied.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." Tristan replied gallantly.

"I think there's something you should know," Sanai said, amused.

"Shhh. No need to speak. I know what you're going to say. We connect. It's love at first sight." Tristan interrupted.

At this, Joey woke up out of his half-daze. "Actually," he said pointedly to Tristan, "what I th-think that Sanai was g-going to tell you i-i-is that she's _**my**_ g-g-girlfriend!"

"What???" Tea and Tristan chorused.

"I'm afraid Joey's got the right of it."

"Since when?" Tristan asked.

"That's a good question. I was there, and I'm still not sure," Yugi responded.

Joey glared. "IV'E got a good question," he proclaimed. "WHY in the world did you bring a LADDER to the side of the boat? Does the term "life preserver" mean anything to you?"

"Well, why did you and Yugi jump into the ocean?" Tea inquired.

"Well, it'll t-take a lot of e-e-explaining." Yugi started.

"Which we will do in **my** room" Sanai said firmly. "You two need to get warm and dry, which you should be able to do in the private room my sister is winning from Rex Raptor."

"Your s-sister is dueling R-rex Raptor?" Joey asked incredulously. "I'm sure sh-she's good, b-but he's one of the b-best duelists in the c-country. Are you sh-sure she'll w-win?" he asked, teeth chattering.

"My sister's really good." Sanai assured him, and then, with a look at the shivering Joey, increased her pace.

As they approached the part of the ship with private suites, they saw a figure on slumped on the floor. When they came closer, they heard Mai saying, "Here's your stuff, thanks for the room, stay out for the rest of the trip." Joey's mouth dropped open at the sight of Rex Raptor, runner up of the last duelist tournament, sitting on the floor with her stuff scattered around him.

"Rex, you l-lost to M-Mai!?" Yugi asked in disbelief. Rex ignored him, and shoved Tea aside as he stormed off.

"Some people are just sore losers." Sanai said, shrugging. Opening the door, she called, "Mai, I'm back, and I brought some friends. They took a little dip; does this room have any towels?"

"Yeah," Mai called from the bathroom. "Let me get some. Does this ship have a pool?"

"Not exactly," Sanai answered.

"Then how did they get wet?" Mai asked. "Where are those towels?" she muttered to herself.

"That's what I'd like to know." Tea said.

"Oh, here they are!" Mai exclaimed. "How many friends did you-" then she caught a good look at Sanai's new friends.

"Well. Yugi and the chump, plus two. We meet again, a bit sooner than I expected. How did you pick up _these_ friends?" Mai asked Sanai.

"I think that there is going to be a lot of explaining going on all around, but the first order of business is to get Yugi and Joey dry. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't call my boyfriend a chump." Sanai said.

"Your boyfriend?" Mai asked.

"Not for long." Tristan muttered.

"Who are you?" Mai asked Tristan. "And who are you?" she asked, turning to Tea.

"And what is this?" Yugi asked, pulling something out of his navy blue boot.

"Mai, Joey, Yugi, Tea, and Tristan." Sanai said, pointing to each in turn. "And _those_," she said, pointing to the item that Yugi was holding up, "are Weevil's glasses. They must have gotten caught in your boot. Good thing, too. It wouldn't have been very nice of us to leave him blind for the rest of the tournament. Now help me get these two dry before they get sick!"

"Of course!" said Tristan, jumping up. "I'll do _anything_ to help you out, Sanai." He immediately grabbed a towel and started to dry off Yugi. Mai joined Sanai in drying off Joey, and Tea went to help Tristan.

When everyone was dried off to Sanai's satisfaction, they all sat on the big bed of the suite. "Now, what should we explain first?" Sanai asked, glancing around.

"How did Joey get a girl like you to date him?!" Tristan asked immediately.

"Yes, how did that chump manage to catch my sister?" Mai asked.

"_**Joey**_" Sanai said pointedly to Mai, "Yugi, and I met just a little bit ago, out on the deck. Yugi had just given Joey a card, and…" Sanai proceeded to explain everything that had just occurred.

When she finished, Mai got up and said, "I'm going to give that little Weevil a piece of my mind."

"Will you give him his glasses too?" Yugi asked, holding up the wet, slightly bent pair. Everyone stared at him. "What? It's not like he deserves it or anything, but he can't duel without his glasses."

'And I want Yugi to beat the little twerp, WITHOUT Exodia!" Joey added.

"Sure." Mai said. She went out the door, asking the first available male she saw, "Did an observant man like yourself happen to see…"

Sanai shut the door, and then returned to her new friends. "Now what I'd like to know is how all of you met. You don't seem like you would get along well together; you're all so different, but you're acting like good friends." she said.

"Well," Joey began, "Tristan and I met Yugi at the same time. We were having a little fun, teasing him, and-"

"_Teasing_ me?" Yugi asked. "You threw a piece of my Millennium Puzzle into the pool!"

"Well, I went and got it afterwards!" Joey said defensively.

"So this whole jumping into water to save Yugi's stuff thing… it's happened before?"

"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds stupid." Joey said.

"_Only_ when I say it like that?" Sanai asked. The group laughed, and then Joey continued on with his story.

When Joey finished, Tea told her story, and then Sanai had only one final question. "What is a Millennium Puzzle?"

The group glanced at each other. "Should we tell her?" Yugi asked.

"I think we should." Joey said.

"Me too!" Tristan added.

'I don't know why, but she _fits_." Tea said. "It's like," she paused, searching for the right words to convey her feeling of certainty that Sanai belonged with them. "Well, you know how we're all friends?" she asked.

Everyone nodded, and Tea continued while Sanai waited apprehensively. "We're a team, a group… a- a circle. And our circle wasn't complete until Sanai came. We belong together. It's almost like fate, like we've known each other before."

"I agree." Yugi said. "Tea's right. Sanai is part of us. It was meant to be."

Joey looked around at everyone. "So it's unanimous? Sanai's part of us?" Everyone nodded.

"Do the words 'Anam Cara mean anything to you?" Sanai asked? Everyone looked confused. "Never mind."

"Well, anyway, Sanai, I guess Yugi should tell you about the Millennium Puzzle."

And Yugi did. The new circle of friends continued to talk and laugh and bond even tighter as the ship sailed ever closer to Duelist Kingdom, and the tournament.


	2. The Duels Begin

Chapter Two: The Duels Begin

"Wow!" Joey said, peering over the edge of the ship, trying to grasp the pure size of the island that he was seeing. "Duelist Kingdom is a big place. How do you expect to find your grandpa, Yugi?"

"I don't know." said Yugi, shrugging his shoulders, "but we have to try."

As the ship sailed closer, the four were able to see figures in dark black clothes and sunglasses. "Hey, check out the suits!" Joey said.

Tristan suddenly shot straight up, a bead of sweat popping up on his forehead. Leaning down to Tea, he whispered, "Hey, what if they can tell that we're stowaways, not duelists. To play it safe, we'd better swim back now."

"You idiot!" Tea cried. "We're in the middle of nowhere. Just play it cool, and we'll be ok."

"Duelists disembark in an orderly fashion!" one of the security men shouted.

"Where's Sanai?" Joey asked, looking around for his new girlfriend.

"I don't know." Yugi said. "I don't see her anywhere. Why don't we go to her room to check on her?"

"Yeah, sure." Joey said, glad of any excuse to see her again.

They all pushed their way through the crowd to Sanai and Mai's room. As they got there, they saw Sanai just closing her suitcase.

"Wow, Sanai, that looks heavy." Tea said. "How do you expect to carry it all the way around Duelist Kingdom?"

"I don't." she said, and then walked over to Tristan and Joey. Looking innocent, she peered up at them from beneath her lashes, and said, "Joey, Tristan, do you think that one of you strong men could carry my suitcase for me?"

"Yeah! Of course I can!" Joey cried.

"No! I will!" Tristan argued. They both rushed over to Sanai's suitcase, and begin tugging on it, both wanting the honor of carrying it.

Mai just looked at her, one eyebrow raised. Then, turning, she said, "Well, for those of us who don't have our own male posse…" and she walked up to one of the guards. She put wrapped her hands in his necktie, and said, "Do you think a big, strong guard like yourself could carry my suitcase?" She heaved a dramatic sigh, and then continued, "I'm afraid this long boat ride has just worn me out!"

Yugi and Tea just shrugged the whole thing off as the way that the Valentine sisters work.

They finally disembarked. First came Yugi and Tea, then Mai with some guard carrying her suitcase, then Sanai and Joey, who was lugging Sanai's HUGE suitcase behind him. Finally, Tristan came. He looked very tense, with beads of sweat peppering his forehead. Under his breath, he was chanting "I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool."

"Hey, you!" a guard said to him.

Tristan shot straight up in surprise, and the rest of the group tensed, listening to what the guard said. "Don't look so tense. You're our guest."

Everyone but Tristan breathed a sigh of relief, and Tristan turned back to the guard, and said in a really nervous, high-pitched voice, "Oh, right, I'm your guest." Then he panicked and ran forward ahead of everyone else.

The rest of the group just shrugged their shoulders and continued onward. "We'll catch up with him when he gets tired," Yugi said.

"Yeah, it shouldn't be long!" Joey joked.

The rest of the group continued along at a sedate pace, looking around at their new surroundings. Rounding a curve in the dirt path that they were following, their breath caught in their throats. In front of them, a huge stone castle rose majestically into the sky. There were tall towers that twisted upward, shining spires that shimmered in the heat of the sun, and pretty palisades that pulled they eye toward them. But what caught the eye of the friends was not the castle itself, but what surrounded it. There was a sea of people. Intellectually, the group had known that the ship was big, and there would be lots of top-rate duelists at Duelist Kingdom, but knowing it and _seeing_ it are two different things.

"Wow!" Yugi said, amazed.

"Just look at all those people." Joey whispered, awed.

"How are we ever going to find Tristan in _that_ mess?" Tea asked.

"Oh, I don't think it will be _too_ hard." Sanai said, grinning.

Tea, Joey, and Yugi turned to look at her, confused. "What?" they asked.

"Look," Sanai pointed at something in the crowd. Tea and Yugi shook their heads, and Joey laughed outright.

"I almost feel sorry for him." Joey said. The group looked at him strangely. "I said almost!" Joey said defensively.

They headed into the crowd, and soon came upon Tristan, who was hunched up against a tree, looking fearfully at a very angry Mai. Then the group grew close enough to hear what Mai was saying.

"… can't believe you!" Mai yelled. "You should be more careful! Running around like a total idiot! Do you know what you've done? This could cost me an hour or more! You bumbling _fool_!"

"Go easy on him Mai." Sanai said when Mai paused for breath.

"Go easy on him!?" Mai asked indignantly. "You wouldn't say that if you knew what he did!"

"What did you do _this_ time?" Tea asked, sighing.

"I didn't do a-anything." Tristan said, glancing at Mai in a frightened fashion.

"Anything!" Mai exploded. "This… this dunce-"

"Attention duelists," came a suave voice. Everyone quieted and looked up, where Maximillion Pegasus, the maker of the Duelmonsters game and the host of the Duelist Kingdom tournament, stood, looking down at the world's finest duelists. He was tall, and had startlingly white hair, which he wore long, covering one eye.

"I am Maximillion Pegasus, the maker of the Duelmonsters game, and the host of this tournament. You are the world's finest duelists, and you have come here to compete. You have each been given a dueling glove and two starchips. These starchips are to be wagered at the beginning of a Duel. You must collect ten starchips to gain admission into my castle, and if you lose all of your starchips, you will be escorted off the island. Once you are admitted to my castle, you will duel other people who have also won ten starchips. The winner of that round will get the honor of dueling me." Here Pegasus paused for effect.

Yugi leaned over and whispered, "My grandpa is definitely somewhere in that castle, so we'll all have to win ten starchips to get in there and find him!" Joey and Sanai nodded, and then Pegasus continued.

"There will be some new rules, but you'll have to figure them out for yourself. If I told you, what fun would it be? Only the smartest, most cunning Slytherins… erm, duelists will be able to win their way into my castle, and then only one of those will be able to challenge me for the prize money. The duels will begin at the signal of fireworks." Then Pegasus stepped off his platform, chuckling evilly.

"Are you ready?" Tea asked Yugi, Sanai, and Joey as the fireworks started.

"As ready as we'll ever be." Sanai answered for all three of them. "C'mon Tristan!" Sanai called over her shoulder.

Tristan nervously edged around Mai, and then ran to Sanai's side. "I am always at your call, Sanai." he said, trying to bow and walk at the same time, and looking very foolish.

"That's nice." Sanai said absently. "So, who are we going to duel first?"

"I want to duel Weevil." Yugi said, his voice deepening with anger. "We have a score to settle."

"Look!" Joey said. "There the little twerp is now! Hey, he's running away!" Joey cried, for the little blue-haired figure had turned around and dashed through the forest.

The five friends immediately rushed after him. "Gee, he runs fast for a little guy." Tristan said.

"Well, maybe you run slowly for a big guy!" Tea said back.

"It's hard for me to run at all with your suitcase, Sanai!" Joey called from behind them.

"Yeah," said Sanai, running back to keep him company. "But you're doing a wonderful job." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

Joey suddenly sped forward as if he were being chased, and as he caught up with Tristan he yelled, "Tristan, Tristan! Sanai kissed me! She kissed me right on the cheek! Ha, ha! Me, not you! She-"

But a series of flying brown things cut Joey short. "Ewww!" Tea cried. "Look at all these nasty little moths!"

"Where are they all coming from?" Sanai asked.

"I don't know, but don't lose sight of Weevil!" Yugi answered.

Then, suddenly, Weevil stopped in the middle of a clearing. "Yugi!" he shouted. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"Why did Weevil drag Yugi all the way out here just to challenge him to a Duel?" Joey wondered.

"I don't know, but we're about to find out!" answered Sanai.

"I accept!" Yugi shouted to Weevil.

Chuckling nastily, Weevil muttered, "As the fly said to the trap." Then, louder, he said, "You have fallen right into my trap, Yugi!"

"What?" Yugi asked, looking at his friends, wondering if one of them happened to spot the proclaimed "trap." Then he stopped wondering because a giant dueling arena came up out of the forest floor.

Since Yugi only had one starchip, after having relinquished his other starchip to Joey so that the Brooklyn boy would be able to come, Yugi had to bet his Grandfather's deck on the match, as well as his only starchip. That meant that if he lost this duel, not only would he lose the tournament, but he would lose the Duelmonsters Game forever!

For his first move, Weevil played an insect monster, as he always did. Bugs were his specialty, and he knew all about them. Yugi played a card of the same strength, but when Weevil attacked, his monster beat Yugi's card, instead of ending in a stale mate, as it should have!

"This must be one of the new rules Pegasus was talking about!" Joey exclaimed.

"Well, I hope Yugi can figure it out soon!" Tea said fearfully.

Fortunately, he did. Yugi realized that since the field on which they were Dueling was an actual _field_, cards with Duelmonsters such as bugs got some sort of a "home field advantage" in the forest part of the Dueling Arena.

Once Yugi figured out how to use the field to increase the strength of his own monsters as well, he made short work of Weevil's bugs until Weevil played a seemingly harmless caterpillar, inside the Cocoon of Evolution! The field power bonus made the cocoon impenetrable to any of Yugi's attacks!

"Oh no! What can Yugi do against that quivering cocoon?" Sanai asked, worriedly.

"I don't know, but I'm sure he'll think of something!" Tea said encouragingly.

"Yeah, Yugi beat Kaiba, remember?" Joey said.

"Ok." Sanai replied, still not very reassured.

"You've never seen him in action. He always pulls some amazing trick out of his sleeve."

Just then, Yugi did. He had the brilliant idea of burning the forest around the cocoon, so that it lost its field power bonus. Then, he crushed the cocoon just one turn before Weevil's giant moth could crush him!

"Yay!" Tea cried. "Yugi did it!"

"Don't count your moths before they hatch!" Sanai said. "Look!"

"Oh no!" Joey cried. "The moth must have been strong enough to survive without the cocoon!"

Sure enough, the moth was emerging from the cocoon, and it was beginning to fly upward! "I thought it took five turns for your moth to hatch!" Yugi accused.

"So it came out one turn early. It's still strong enough to crush your monsters!" Weevil cried.

Yugi decided to play a monster with the same attack power, and beat Weevil at the cost of his own life points. However, seemingly for no reason at all, the attack and defense power of Yugi's monster was decreasing! "What-" Yugi began.

"Poison!" Weevil cackled. "My Great Moth's wings are covered in poison, and with every wing beat, it covers the field and any monster you place on it!"

"Uh, oh! What will Yugi do now?" Sanai asked, biting her lip in worry.

"Don't sweat it. Yugi'll figure something out; he always does." Joey said, sounding pretty worried himself.

However, Yugi had it under control. His next card was a magic card. It caused mist to rise up over the field, negating the poison of the moth's wings, and setting up the field for his next, and final, attack. Yugi played Summoned Skull, which attacks with electricity. Since the field, including Weevil's Great Moth, was covered in water, Yugi's electrical attack wiped out the Moth and won the duel!

"You did it!" Sanai said, running over to Yugi and giving him a big hug while Tristan and Joey and Tea and Weevil and a squirrel looked on jealously. "How did you manage to draw all the right cards? I thought you were lost for sure!"

"I just trusted in the Heart of the Cards." said Yugi, seeming not to notice the glares of his three friends.

"The what?" Sanai said, looking confused. "I know a _lot_ about Duel Monsters, and I've never heard about that."

"Well, it's hard to explain-" Yugi began.

"I can explain it!" Joey interrupted.

"No, I can!" Tristan said.

"You don't even Duel!" Joey accused.

"Anyway," Yugi continued, ignoring the two bickering friends, "My grandfather, who I told you about, remember?"

"Yeah," said Sanai, nodding. "He owned a Duelmonsters store, and he taught you and Joey everything you know about the game."

"Yes," said Yugi, "He also taught us about something called the Heart of the Cards. He believed that the cards have a Heart. If you trust your deck, it will always come through for you. Both Joey and I also believe, and we haven't been proven wrong yet."

"Oh," said Sanai, reflectively, "that would explain a lot. A whole lot." Then, louder, she continued, "I think that I… I already knew that, but subconsciously. I… I didn't know it had a name."

"Sanai, do you want to do something about these bickering boys?" Tea asked.

Realizing that Joey and Tristan were still arguing, Sanai laughed. "Guys!" she called. "Yugi already told me about the Heart of the Cards. Thanks anyway," she said, smiling up at them to shut them up.

"Ok," they said, smiling back at her.

"Now, this was but one duel on our way to the promised castle. Let's go win some more starchips!" Sanai said, marching forward. "Let's go!"

Tristan and Joey immediately tried to get the spot next to her, and Yugi and Tea followed, smiling at their friend's antics. "Well, I guess we're ready for whatever comes our way." said Yugi, and his friends silently agreed.


	3. The Smell of Success

Chapter Three: The Smell of Success 

In his castle, Pegasus chuckled to himself, "All over the island, my unwitting pawns are in place. The Duels have begun, and by now, the slow process of elimination is well underway. Only the strongest Duelmonsters players will survive, and those of insufficient skill will fall by the wayside."

Meanwhile, in another part of the seemingly endless forest of Duelist Kingdom, a girl by the name of Jennifer Hawthorne was arguing with herself. "I've already got the ten starchips! Can't I just go to the castle?"

In a different voice, she answered herself. "No, we haven't found the pharaoh yet!" This voice was deeper, more a woman's voice than a teen's.

"Look, I've already missed about a week of school, and prom is coming up in about a month, and-"

"You shouldn't be bothered with such trivialities as a high school dance" the other voice answered frostily.

"Says the disembodied voice with a fangirl obsession for a dead Egyptian."

'WHAT?"

"Nothing."

"Ok, bring 'em on!" Joey cried. "I'm itching to Duel, and I'm taking down the next player we see!" he strode ahead, trying to look tough and succeeding in looking strange.

"Ya know, I'm not so sure Joey's up to this," Tea confided.

"I don't know, Joey told me that he was pretty good." Sanai said.

"Yeah," Tristan agreed. "But there are tournament level players here. Do you think he's smart enough to realize-"

"Here I stand," Joey called back. "The next Duelmonsters champion!"

"Ok, I'm worried." Sanai told her friends.

"He needs a reality check." Tea said.

"He's about as smart as he looks!" Tristan joked.

"Hey!" Sanai said, pretending to be offended. "I like his looks!"

"I'd better be champion." Joey said to himself. "For Serenity's sake. My little sister is counting on me, and I can't let her down. I need the money to help her regain her eyesight!"

His friends caught up with him, and all five of them topped a rise together. "Wow!" Tea cried. "Look there!"

There was a huge field, and covering it completely were Stadiums, full of Duelists competing.

"Duelmonsters Stadiums!" said Tristan. "Look at them; they're all over!"

"You said it!" Yugi agreed. "Lots of Dueling going on, which I guess makes sense, seeing as how this is Duelist Kingdom. The name doesn't lie!"

"Right!" Joey said. "I'm going in!"

"I need to Duel someone too." said Sanai, following him. "And I'd better make sure he doesn't get into trouble."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Tristan asked, running to catch up with Joey. "If you lose, you give up your only starchip!"

"That's right." Tea agreed.

"EEEEEeeeee!" Joey yelled.

"Don't panic. You can do this." Yugi reassured him. "You do know that, don't you?"

"Well, I hope you're right, Yugi. This will be my first official duel, and I can't afford to get knocked out at the start!"

"True," said Yugi, "but I'm sure not everyone here is a pro. I'm sure you can find someone on your level."

"Go for someone easy, Joey," advised Tea.

"And I guess I should figure out what kind of field my cards are best suited for." he said. "They're mostly monsters and fighter types. I guess this makes this meadow region my kind of turf!"

"That's right Joey!" Yugi said. "See, you know what you're doing!"

"Great thinking!" Sanai said appreciatively.

"You lost, crybaby." said a familiar voice from the Dueling Fields. "Now give me your starchips!"

"A voice that annoying could only belong to… Mai!" Tea said.

"Hey!" Sanai said defensively. "Mai's not _that_ bad."

"It's not fair!" said the person that Mai had just defeated. "You cheated somehow! How could you know what your cards were when they were still face down!?"

"I'm psychic." Mai replied. "And you're done." The poor, defeated Duelist sobbed, while Mai laughed. "Well," she said, turning to Yugi and his gang, "look who's here."

"Wow!" Joey said. "Mai's already won two more starchips!"

"Hey, Yugi, are your Duels going well?" Mai asked.

"I'm making progress." he replied.

"So you have three starchips, do you?" she inquired. "I might be up for a Duel myself."

"Take her!" Tea whispered to Yugi.

"Huh?" he said.

"Knock her out of the contest and off the island!" Tea said.

"I'll just pretend I didn't here that little comment about my _sister_!" Sanai said, trying to remind her friends that she and Mai were related.

"You know," Mai said reflectively, "I'm definitely in the mood for a Duel right now. So get ready, 'cause I choose to Challenge… you, Joey!"

"What?" Joey asked, his face reflecting the same surprise and amazement of everyone else in the group. "Do you challenge ME?" he asked.

"Do you have the guts to accept?" Mai inquired. "Get it?" Mai asked, in response to the silence. "I want to play you, kid."

"Ha!" said Joey, bragging. "I guess you heard about my skill."

"Don't flatter yourself." Mai replied. "I overheard you and Yugi talking on the boat, and I know that he gave you the only starchip you have. My motto is 'take out the weakest players first,' and considering that you wouldn't even be here if Yugi hadn't given you one of his chips, you've got to be _the_ weakest Duelist on the island."

"Hey!" Joey said, hurt. "Do you have to be so… insulting?"

"This time she was being truthful." Tea said.

"Mai, Joey's my boyfriend! You can't take him away from me!" Sanai said.

"That's the other reason I'm Dueling him. You're too good for chumps like him." Mai told her.

"But… but you seemed to like him on the boat." Sanai said, taken aback

"I figured you'd come to your senses. But, since you haven't, and it's been a good half hour, I'll have to take action. So Joey, are you ready?" Mai asked, turning toward him.

"Mai's ruthless. Don't Duel her first." Tea advised.

"Don't you get it?" Tristan asked. "If you lose this contest, you're out for good!"

"Shut up, you!" Mai said sharply to Tristan. "I'm still mad at you for what you did back at the castle!"

Tristan backed up a step, but everyone else ignored them.

"Yugi, stand up for Joey." Tea said. "You have to fight her in his place."

Yugi thought for a moment and then replied, "This is his decision to make. Show Mai what you're made of!"

"No!" Sanai interrupted. "You don't understand! Mai-"

"Now, you're not giving away family secrets, are you?" Mai asked. "Because that would be going back on your word."

Glaring at her older sister, Sanai said, "No, I won't tell because that would make me just as much of a cheat as you!"

"I know you're angry now," Mai said condescendingly, "but this is for your own good. In a few years, you'll thank me."

"I doubt that." Sanai muttered under her breath. Then, louder, she said, "Joey, if you're going to Duel my sister, I'm with you all the way!"

"Sanai! You are too young to go all the way with ANY boy!"

"NOT what I meant, Mai, but thanks."

"Right!" Joey said, "She thinks I'm a pushover, but she'll see!"

"Yugi, Sanai," Tea pleaded with one of them to talk to Joey.

"You can't be serious, Joey!" Tristan said.

"I've never been _more_ serious!" Joey replied, determined. "Don't you see? This is my chance to prove myself! To show everybody! Don't forget, Gramps trained me! I mean, sure, Gramps didn't get a chance to finish my training, and, granted, I wish I'd had a chance to practice more before getting thrown into a tournament this huge with so many heavy hitters, but I think I can take her!"

"Oh man!" Tristan said. "You'd better be right. For your sister's sake."

"Yeah, you'd better not screw this up, Joey!" Tea warned.

"I have faith in him!" Sanai said.

"You've never seen him Duel." Tristan pointed out.

Smiling at Sanai and ignoring Tristan, Joey turned to Mai and said, "I accept. Let's Duel!"

"Get ready to lose!" Mai replied. They climbed onto the Duel Stadium that Mai had just used to beat the other Duelist.

"Go get her, Joey!" Tea cried.

"Kick her butt!" Tristan yelled, and then visibly blanched as Mai glared at him.

"Yeah!" Joey cried, pumping his arm into the air.

Sanai walked over to Mai, and begged her, "Please don't do it! Not with Joey!"

"Not a chance, sis." Mai replied. "It's my greatest weapon, and you should know that I always use my weapons. Have I taught you nothing? You have to use whatever advantage you have, and win at all costs."

"That's what you taught me, but that's not what I learned." Sanai muttered, defeated. She stepped down from Mai's side of the platform, and went to join Tea, Tristan, and Yugi, who were standing near Joey, ready to cheer him on!

"He'll do fine," Yugi reassured Sanai, after seeing her very worried look.

"Since you only have one measly starchip," Mai said, "I only have to bet one of mine against you."

"At least this region will give me a field advantage." Joey said to himself. Then he actually saw the Dueling Field. "Oh no!" he shouted. "What are all those mountains doing on my field?"

"The field we'll battle on is 40 forest, 40 mountain, and the last 20 is meadow. So deal with it, or surrender." Mai told him coldly.

"Calm down, Joey, you'll be ok!" Yugi encouraged him. "Your monsters will still get a field power bonus from the meadow part of the field!"

"Oh, yeah." Joey said, looking slightly less worried. "Listen, Mai," he said, turning toward her. "Not for nothing, but I gotta ask you one question before we Duel."

"Hmm? What?" she asked.

"Why did you decide to take part in this tournament?" Joey asked. "Tell me Mai, why is it you Duel?"

"Why do I Duel?" Mai asked, surprised.

"I can answer that one." Sanai muttered, still mad at her sister.

"For all the comforts that I crave!" Mai said. "Designer clothes, travel perks, anything to avoid real work! Hot cars, turbo charged for living large!"

"Ha!" said Joey. "So that's why you want the prize money? How selfish!"

"How dare you try and judge me? Who do you think you are, you pathetic little snot?" Mai shrieked.

"Hey! That pathetic little snot is my boyfriend!" Sanai said.

"Yeah, you're only Dueling for things, but for your information, some of us fight for the people we love!" Joey said.

"You'll show her, Joey!" Yugi shouted. "Show her what it's like to Duel from the heart!"

"Do it for me, Joey!" Sanai shouted. "Do it for me, and do it for Serenity! But mostly for me."

"Let's Duel!" Joey and Mai shouted together.

Joey used his field power bonus well for his first move, but Mai had some trick up her sleeve! She picked up a card out of her Deck, without looking, and she _knew_ that it was Harpie Lady. Everyone but Sanai seemed shocked.

"Sanai, does she really have ESP?" Tristan asked.

"Or is that a fake, like everything else about her?" Tea asked.

"I can't say." said Sanai, in a distressed manner. "I wish I could, but I can't!"

"Why not?" Tea asked

"I promised." Sanai laughed bitterly. "Mai first showed me this when we were little girls, and she made me swear not to tell. It was supposed to be the 'Valentine Sisters' Secret.' I didn't know it would be used against me!"

"Can't you just break your promise? I'm sure Mai's done it loads of times, and it's for a good cause!" Tea begged.

"I want to, oh, I _really_ want to, but I can't. And Mai actually hasn't broken her promises. She may be sneaky about making them in the first place, but she's never broken one. And Mai's really not that bad underneath her snobby exterior. She may be a pain sometimes, but she is my sister."

"Very good!" Yugi said. "My grandpa always taught me that once you give your word, you should keep in, no matter what!"

"But that still leaves Joey up there with no idea of what Mai is doing!" Tea pointed out.

"Have faith in him. I think that he can pull through." Yugi said.

"How are you so sure?" Tristan asked.

"A few reasons." Yugi replied. "One, he's fighting not only for his sister, but now, too, for Sanai. Two-"

"Two, I believe in the Heart of the Cards!" Joey piped up.

"Yup, that's right!" Yugi said, smiling up at him. "Though I think you should be concentrating on Dueling rather than paying attention to sideline chatter."

"Well, I'm going to attack!" Joey said.

"Wait, no!" Sanai said. "Land monsters are at a disadvantage to flying monsters!"

"Yeah," Yugi agreed. "Monsters that can fly have a magical resistance to monsters that can only walk on the earth!"

But the warning came too late. Mai's Harpie Lady creamed Joey's Swordsman.

"Did Joey blow it already?" Tea asked.

"No," Yugi said, "but he attacked too soon, before he thought about what her monster was capable of."

"Harpie Lady is capable of a lot." Sanai said. "It's always been Mai's favorite card."

Mai drew again, _without looking_. Joey began looking distinctly distressed.

"He's losing it!" Tea said.

"Guess that mop-head wasn't ready for this Duel." Tristan shook his head.

"_And I can't say anything!_"" Sanai said, near tears.

"Hey, Joey!" Yugi shouted up at him. "Think about what you're doing before you move again!"

Joey continued to just stare at Mai, flabbergasted.

"My little card trick has made this kid forget everything he ever knew about Dueling." Mai said softly to herself. "All I have to do is just keep pushing his buttons."

Joey played Tiger Axe, but the Harpie Lady was still a flying monster, so Mai defeated it.

Mai looked over at Joey and said, "Now I'll play this lovely card without even looking. I'll give you a hint: it's an equipment magic card that will help me defeat your next monster in one turn."

"Again with all that psychic stuff?" Joey said to himself. "Can she see my cards too? Since I can't see what she's playing, I gotta get defensive." Joey played his next card in defense mode.

"Running scared, huh?" Mai asked condescendingly. "Well let me show you my surprise: Cyber Shield, to juice up my Harpie Lady!"

Mai's very powerful Harpie Lady demolished Joey's defense. "How's she doing that?" he asked himself.

"Hahahahahahaha!" Mai laughed. "This is so much fun! In case you were wondering," she said to Joey, "the next card that you play won't work either."

"Mai has ESP; that has to be it!" Joey said to himself. "I'm going to lose this Duel Match, my sister, and Mai's sister!"

"Hahahahahahaha! This game is _mine_! You can't win against me." Mai told Joey.

"She's right!" Joey said to himself. "She's too much for me!"

"Settle down!" Yugi said.

"You can do it, Joey!" Sanai said. "I know you can. Do it for me, please Joey. Win for me!"

"Why are you cheering for _him_?" Mai asked. "It's already obvious that he's going to lose, and I'm your sister."

"Yes, I know you're my sister, and I love you, but even if you lose this match, you'll still be in the running. And even more importantly, I'm still mad at you!" Sanai told her.

Ignoring Sanai, Yugi shouted to Joey, "Remember what my grandpa told you about how to play Duelmonsters!"

"Don't let her rattle you!" Tea said. "She's just trying to psych you out, Sean Spencer… I mean Joey!" Turning to Sanai, she asked, "Right? Mai can't really have ESP, can she?"

"I… can't say." Sanai said, grimacing.

"Oh, right." Tea replied.

"You can do it, Joey!" Yugi encouraged.

"Stay out of this!" Mai shouted, losing her temper. "Your brainless cheerleading isn't going to help him against the superior power of my Harpie Lady. Don't you guys get it yet? Friendship doesn't win Duels, never has, never will! Look at him; he's defeated and he knows it!"

"Not true!" Tea said.

"No?" Mai said derisively. "I beg to differ. There can be only one champion. On this island, in this game, someone can be your best friend today and your worst enemy tomorrow. Once the competition forces you to face each other in a Duel, where's your friendship then? That's why the only person a Duelist can trust is himself. I hope that your defeat today teaches you that lesson, kid."

"Not true!" Sanai shouted, angry. "Joey, I hope you know that Yugi would never turn against you, and I'm _sure_ you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you. Not in a million years!"

"Yugi, you've got to help him!" Tea said.

Some sort of change seemed to come over Yugi. He seemed taller, older, more sure of himself. "Don't listen to her, Joey!" Yugi shouted. "We're here to help you! Just like you're always there for us. Trust me on this. She's just trying to divide and conquer a strategy that's been used for centuries. Believe me, I know."

"When you get that look in your eye," Joey said, "I believe everything you say. And… Sanai," he said hesitantly. "I know."

"Do you really think Yugi and Sanai want you to be the grand prize winner?" Mai asked. "They're both duelists too, you know. To win, you'll eventually have to take them on."

"She's right!" Joey said to himself. "But…" Joey thought about the way that Yugi had given up one of his own starchips to allow Joey the chance at the prize money. And Sanai. Sanai just wasn't that type of person. Her sister might be, but Joey had strange, new feelings for Sanai, and he knew that she felt the same way about him. "She wouldn't hurt me. That's just not Sanai." he said, smiling somewhat. With new resolve, he said, "You're right Yugi! I have to stop listening to Mai's nonsense, and start using my head!" Softer, he said, "I just have to concentrate on how to win the game." Closing his eyes to block out everything else, he thought hard. There has to be a way to beat Mai. If she's not psychic, there must be some other way that she can know what her cards are. he thought. What's that strange smell? I didn't notice that smell when my eyes were open. I'm smelling a bunch of different perfumes! Coming from… Mai's cards!

"Let's go, kid, it's your turn!" Mai said impatiently.

"I see through your card trick!" Joey said triumphantly to Mai.

"Huh?" Mai said, confused.

"You sprayed all your cards with different perfumes!" Joey accused. "And by smelling each different set, you can tell which card is which even when they're face down!"

"Bu-" Mai started

"So you don't have to look to play your cards! That way you can psych the other player out!"

"No Way! How could an amateur punk like you see through my aroma strategy?" Mai cried. "It's just impossible!"

"That 'amateur punk' is my brilliant boyfriend!" Sanai cried. "I knew he could do it, even if you made me promise not to tell!"

"I do have to admit, Mai really had me buying into the whole psychic powers thing." Joey admitted, smiling at Sanai. "I was too freaked out to think things through because of that. But you're not a psychic at all!" he shouted, turning to Mai! "You're just a big fake!"

"All right Joey!" Yugi exclaimed.

"Go get her, Joey!" Tea encouraged.

"You da man!" Tristan shouted.

"Just because you saw through my little psychic act doesn't mean that you're going to defeat me in a Duel!" Mai said.

"I think you're wrong!" cried Sanai. "Before, you were winning by confusing him and trying to pit him against his friends, but now, his mind is clear!"

"Exactly, Sanai." Joey beamed at his perfect girlfriend who had said almost word for word what he was thinking. "Now, I know who I can trust!"

Tea coughed out a word that sounded suspiciously like "whom."

Ignoring her, Joey turned back to Mai. "Now all you've got left are you cheap tricks, and I won't fall for them anymore!"

"Hey, don't call my sister cheap!" Sanai said at the exact moment that Mai protested, "some of those perfumes were actually very expensive!"

Joey blinked, and drew a card. "All right! Baby-"

Tea interrupted. "You should not call Sanai 'baby!' It's demeaning and chauvinistic and makes you seem-"

Her words of censure only ceased when Joey played his next card. Baby dragon.

"Oh," she said quietly, flushing. "Right. Sorry."

Mai began to laugh, scoffing scornfully at the pathetic, infantile card her sister's new playtoy had placed in front of her. "My next card will be… Elegant Egotist!"

Joey blanched as he saw the tripling of terror taking place on the field—arena—-thing. "In any other situation," he muttered quietly, "that sort of a threesome would be very exciting."

His four friends failed to hear, as they were arguing over whether he was, in fact, a helpless amateur, or a brilliant dualist with heretofore undiscovered depths. Deep, deep depths.

"I like the one with the purple wings!' Sanai said cheerfully. "She was always my favorite. I named her Buffy."

"That's a beautiful name!" Tristan said. "Stunning! Stupendous! Um… very pretty!"

Tea shook her head and sidled closer to Yugi. "What do you think Joey will do now?" she asked, placing a hand on his bicep in a gesture that any concerned friend would make.

"It's his duel. Let him deal with it."

"What?" all three friends cried, aghast.

"No, what I meant was… that because it's his duel, he has to figure it out. Now, we should probably watch the goings-on.'

"Goings on?" Tea murmured.

"He's obviously flustered," Sanai whispered to her, tossing her hair in a manner that screamed "See? EVERYONE gets flustered around me!"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… erm, field… Mai was threatening Joey with an entire army of Harpy Ladies

"How am I supposed to beat that?" Joey asked himself.

"This is just foreshadowing, Joey," Mai said, winking.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"If you stay with my sister, you'll meet an army of harpy ladies every time you visit the Valentine household! We're not the only women in the family, after all."

Joey paled visibly.

"Don't give up, Joey!" Yugi called, seeing his friend's distress and falsely attributing it to the duel. He called out a few more bits of advice, causing Joey's eyes to take on a strange, unfocused look.

"What's wrong with him?" Sanai asked, concerned for her boyfriend's health.

Tea glanced up at him. "Oh, don't worry—he's just having a flashback. Happens all the time."

"Oh, ok." Sanai cheered up. The moment Joey's gaze returned to the present, she bounced up an down in a manner that made Tristan's eyes glaze and called "Go, Joey!"

Joey paused, muttering to himself, trying to remember some of the pesky rules that got in the way of his admiring the pretty cards.

"If I had known how long it was going to take you to make a move," Mai said dryly, "I would have brought a magazine."

"No, you wouldn't have," Sanai countered. "I took your Cosmo out of your back while we were still on the ship. It was pretty lame anyway, mostly about Brad and Angelina. Stupid homewrecker. Brennifer fan forever!"

Tea, Yugi, Tristan, and Joey all stared at her strangely.

Sanai blushed. "Erm… go Joey?"

Suddenly, Joey started groaning. "Oh, goodness me, is he sick?" Sanai asked, looking concerned.

"No, now he's just putting his faith in the Heart of the Cards," Yugi's eyes looked through Joey, rather than at him.

"Is he having a flashback too?" Sanai whispered to Tristan.

"Either that, or some weird sort of mindlink."

While they were having their whispered conversation, Joey played a new card, an adorable little clock with a cute cloak to boot (pun and alliteration intentional).

Yugi kindly explained to everyone exactly what Joey's card did, prompting Sanai to inquire, "how do you know so much about his card?"

"I just know all things." Yugi responded.

Sanai cocked an eyebrow.

"Or, maybe I gave him that card.'

She nodded, satisfied.

When she turned to glance at the field, a horrible sight met her eyes. The beautiful, perfectly groomed Harpy Ladies looked like David Brinkley. "What happened to them?" she asked, aghast.

"Too many visits to the tanning bed," Tea answered.

Sanai paled visibly, her rouge standing out on her alabaster cheeks.

"Actually, Joey's Time Wizard aged every card on the field," Yugi explained in a voice that seemed to carry across the arena.

Mai groaned, horrified at being accosted with a reminder of inevitable age, decay, and death… and also at the thought that she was losing.

"I believed… and the cards came through for me!" Joey sounded surprised at himself. "Awesome!"

With that, the Thousand Dragon defeated all three Harpy Ladies at once, and his fan section began cheering joyfully. Yugi gave him a thumbs up and winked.

Sanai just winked.

Mai looked about ready to faint. "How?" she moaned, and not in the good kind of way, "how could I ever lose to such an… amateur?"

Joey decided to take pity on her. "Hey, Mai."

"Huh?" she looked up at the sound of Joey's voice."

"I tried to tell you," he said, "there's more to Duel Monsters than just kicking the other guy's…" he shot a glance at Sanai, "butt. If you're ever gonna be a real champion, you've gotta learn to care about someone… other than yourself. Isn't that right, Yugi?"

"Mmhmm," his friend responded, nodding emphatically.

Mai wondered briefly at the precise nature of their friendship before relegating that thought back to her sub-subconscious, where it would never, ever, EVER see the light of day.

"I'm proud of you, Joey!' Sanai said. "All your hard work and training paid off! You went from a guy with nothing but eagerness and attitude to a winning Dualist who battles with his head, and his heart… and his nose!"

Their laughs at Sanai's cleverness were interrupted by a very odd sort of screaming.


	4. Thin Line Between Friendly and Psychotic

Chapter Four: Thin Line Between Friendly & Psychotic 

"NO! NO, no, no, no NOO! I HAVE all ten starchips! I am GOING to the PALACE!!!"

They turned to face the direction of the noise and discovered something very strange. A girl of about fifteen was walking towards them. Well, being dragged towards them could be a more accurate description judging from her words, but none of the fabulous five could see anything or anyone dragging her. She was holding out her left hand and appeared to be yelling at the bracelet that adorned that wrist. "This is a kidnapping! An abduction! An invasion of all sorts of… legal things!" She tried in vain to plant her heavy black boots into the dewy grass, but she walked forward anyhow, her brown hair almost whipping out of the red headband that fought with the wind to keep it in place. The headband matched her long red jacket that she wore over a short, black zippered dress. Her round glasses magnified her startling eyes, one the blue of the ocean on a clear day, and the other the same jade green as a cat's.

Those eyes were focused on the five friends as she finally looked up, startled. "Oh…" she said, pausing for a moment. "Hi."

"Hello!" Sanai said cheerfully. "I'm Sanai, and I think we're going to be BEST FRIENDS!'

"Um, right. I do feel the strangest desire to befriend you… and impress you… and obey your every whim…" the new girl shook herself, as if ridding herself of a determined housefly. "I'm Jenny. Jenny Hawthorne."

"I'm Sanai Valentine. This is my sister, Mai Valentine," Sanai gestured towards where Mai stood, as she, too, had come over to investigate the disturbance, "my boyfriend, Joey Wheeler, and my friends, Yugi Moto, Tristan Taylor, and Tea Gardner!"

"Did you tell her my last name?" Tea whispered to Yugi, who shook his head. "Neither did I."

That train of thought was interrupted as Jenny spoke again. "Well, um, it's very nice to meet all of you. This is incredibly awkward!"

"Awkward?" Sanai looked confused, "whyever so?"

"Perhaps because your new… bestest best friend" Mai drawled, well used to her sister's inane habits, "appears to have been possessed… or possibly accompanied by an invisible yet corporeal companion."

"Huh?" Tristan asked, confused.

"Not a ghost," Mai explained, "as a ghost could not physically drag… Jenny, was it? A ghost could not physically drag Jenny against her will, as someone or something obviously did."

"Has she always been this smart?" Joey asked in a stage whisper.

"Of course!" Mai tossed her hair. "I'm a Valentine."

"Ha. Haha." Jenny laughed weakly. "Ghosts… spirits… I don't believe in those." She peered at the faces of her companions, trying to figure out if her desperate attempts at damage control were at all successful.

"What about Invisibility Cloaks?"

"What?'

"Never mind."

"Anyway… I'm totally not possessed! I swear!" She glanced at each of the member of the sextet (snicker) in turn, pausing when her eyes met those of the boy Sanai had called 'Yugi Moto."

A change came over Jenny, her blue eye turned to green, and the jade orbs gazed at the boy who was not, in fact Yugi, but an ancient spirit like the one who was now in control of Jenny.

"Pharaoh," she whispered worshipfully.

Yami—for indeed, it was Yami rather than Yugi in control at the moment, despite the fact that the whole dual personalities (or duel personalities) thing hasn't yet been revealed to anyone else in the cast of thousands—glared at the spirit, willing her to silence.

The spirit read his will in his eyes, and bowed her head, ducking her knees in a seamless curtsy. "My lords and ladies, I am Dahlia."

"I thought you just said your name was Jenny!" Joey said, confused.

"My spirit is housed in the body of the girl Jennifer. We share our time of dominance peacefully-"

Her voice and eye changed, as she spat "peacefully my-"

"And it is my time to establish a meeting with the six of you" Dahlia regained control smoothly.

Sanai's eyes glowed. "Oh, wow! It's like two friends at once!"

Mai interrupted them. She had been scanning every inch of the possessed girl's ensemble, wondering idly where she had purchased that dress, and if they sold it in the V-neck, when her eyes landed on Jenny's… erm, Dahlia's? RIGHT wrist. "You have all ten starchips. You have ALL TEN starchips! How in HADES-"

"Language, sister-mine" Sanai interrupted.

Mai ignored her. "did you get all TEN starchips? We've been on this island for, what…"

"Three hours, forty-two minutes, and twelve seconds," Tea said, glancing at her bunny-rabbit watch. (She had named it Frank.)

"It was a difficult task indeed," Dahlia admitted, her eyes darting to Yami's and then flittering away again rapidly. "Yet I found solace in my memories… my memories of learning, of dueling… of trusting in the Heart of the Cards."

Her eye changed color, and Jenny's voice appeared once more. "Sorry- I had to interrupt her before the sappy elevator music started playing."

At Dahlia's disappearance, Yami disappeared too, leaving a friendly yet slightly confused Yugi in his place. "Well, it's nice to—is that a Millennium Item?" he asked, eyes widening at her bracelet.

"Um… no? It's just a cheap knockoff I bought in a tourist trap in Miami. Don't eat the oysters."

"No… it's all right. I have one too!" Yugi pulled his Puzzle out of his shirt and let it dangle from the worn rope necklace.

"Well… that explains a lot." Jenny said. After a pause, she added, "If you had tried to explain it to me BEFORE dragging me here rather than DURING, I might have bothered listening."

"Can you not have conversations with the voices in your head? Please?" Mai glanced askance at the strange girl.

"Voice. Just one. Not plural. Trust me… one is plenty." Her gaze turned inward, as if she were having a conversation with herself… or with the spirit of her Millennium Seal.

"All right!" she said aloud. Her gaze turned back to the sextet (still funny) standing before her. "So… can I hang with you guys for a bit? I don't want to go to Pegasus' castle yet, as it would be awful being cooped up alone in that plush, well-ventilated castle with all sorts of servants to obey my every whim."

"Of course!" Sanai and Yugi said simultaneously.

Mai shook her head. "As cool as you cats are, I'm going to separate myself from you for a bit. See you at the castle… I guess."

"I guess that makes it just the six of us," Sanai said cheerfully.

"Yup- a stunning sextet." Jenny added, figuring that Dahlia didn't count sans body.

Joey and Tristan both sniggered. "Sextet."


	5. Sextets and Ships the Sea kind

Chapter Five: Sextets and Ships (the Sea kind)

"Oh, Joey! I'm so proud of you for winning!" Sanai said, focusing the attention back on her boyfriend who SO deserved it. "I knew you could do it!" She leaned into him in a way that caused Tea and Jenny to turn away in embarrassment and Tristan to turn pink in jealousy.

"Good work, Joey," Yugi said, smiling up at his friend, whom he could tell was very happy. Very, VERY happy.

Joey murmured something that sounded like "sextet" before Jenny interrupted.

"So, um, what now?"

Joey's stomach answered the question by growling. "I'm starved! Do you think they've got a pizza joint on this island? Or one that delivers?"

"I don't think so, Joey," Yugi said, frowning slightly, "besides, didn't you swear you weren't going to eat any pizza at all till you could return to Brooklyn for 'real' pizza?"

"I know what I said, Yug," Joey looked at him with eyes filled with pain, "but it's just too much! I have gone an entire… five days without a slice of pizza! I'll go mad if I don't eat any soon! Mad, I tell you! Mad!"

Jenny glanced at the guy who was trying to steal her position of resident psycho. "Someone get that boy some pizza, stat!"

"But how?" Tea asked, "We don't have any food! If I don't get my five basic food groups, it's metabolic meltdown!"

"Don't worry, guys. I've got it covered." Tristan flashed Sanai a grin.

"Really? How?" everyone inquired.

He pulled out a very small pamphlet. "I've got this! 'An Idiot's Guide to Outdoor Survival!"

"The idiot part's right," Joey muttered.

"It lists all the plants, roots, berries, and grasses we can eat!"

"Five food groups, Tristan. Didn't you hear? Five food groups, not rabbit food!" Tea patted her watch in an absent apology to Frank.

"Wait a second guys, my pizza senses are tingling," Joey interrupted.

"You smell pizza?" Jenny asked, confused.

"No, but close… anchovies!" Joey took off like a pizza-propelled rocket, leaving the rest of the sextet (yes, still funny) to follow behind at a slightly more sedate pace.

"He's hallucinating," Tea said flatly.

"Don't be too sure," Sanai countered. "It wasn't his brain that beat Mai; it was his nose!"

As the five friends walked on, Jenny muttered to Yugi, "One day, someone is going to have to summarize your life so far. Or have a convenient flashback while I'm present."

The sound of the ocean got louder, and they came upon a rock pit with smoked fish at the edge of the fire. Joey was sitting on a log, frantically waving two speared fish. "I saved one for you, Sanai!"

Sanai looked faintly green. "I'm a vegetarian." Her normal cheer returned, as she added "Also, I can occasionally live off sunshine and happiness!'

Tristan shook his head solemnly. "Honestly, some people have no self-control." He leapt off the path, skidded across the sand, and landed right next to Joey, relieving him of one of the fish sticks (pun intended).

"Boys, you really shouldn't steal or eat fish. It's not right!"

"I found Nemo!" Tristan called, clearly not listening to a word Sanai was saying.

Before they could respond to his inane comment, a wet, shirtless, blue-haired man leapt out of the ocean. "Do ye fear death?" he asked in a voice that sounded like he was still underwater.

"What?" all six of them asked (see? We didn't say 'sextet!').

The wet man (cough) shook himself and rephrased. "Enjoy yourselves, you fish-thieves; this is your last meal!"

"Wait, wouldn't that be served with wine?"

"That would be the last supper, Joey, now hush!" Tea scolded, her eyes wide… erm, wider with fright.

insert rant here

wave crashes

rant ceases

resume talk

"To steal a fisherman's catch is to prove you have no honor!"

Sanai, meanwhile, had been looking at every inch of the fisherman's glistening body. Her eyes stopped as she found "a dueling glove!"

All eyes turned to her. She was used to it.

"Aren't you Mayko Tsunami, the top ocean dualist?"

He paused for a moment, "and who might you be?" he asked in a completely different tone.

Joey scowled blankly, and then realization struck. "Wait a minute, you're that freaky fish guy!"

"I am not a freaky fish guy!"

"Freaky fish fellow?"

"Nice alliteration, Joey!" Jenny commended him.

"I am Mayko Tsunami, Duelist Extraordinaire of the Seven Seas, and one of the Seven Pirate Lords!"

"Huh?" Tea asked before dissolving in giggles at the fact that a pink octopus currently rested on his spiky blue head.

Mayko looked nonplussed until he felt a sticky tentacle weaving its way through his thick locks. Growling, he tore the gastropod off his head and threw it into the ocean, using all of his very evident muscular strength.

Tristan and Joey groaned in unison.

"I wanted to eat that!" Joey protested.

Tristan turned to Mayko. "You're demented," he stated flatly.

"Wait!" Sanai cried, visibly upset. "Can't we all just get along?"

"Who ARE you people?" Mayko asked again. They all introduced themselves, and as soon as the fishy fellow heard Yugi's name, his attitude changed completely, though Yugi didn't distract him in quite the same way as Sanai had. Whatever the cause, the result was that he offered them all fish sticks, which everyone other than Sanai accepted eagerly, and they dined together, chatting cheerfully.

In the midst of complimenting the culinary competence of the chef, Mayko had one of those flashback type things that revealed all sorts of past causes for his current mental state… mostly caused by daddy issues. He also had delusions of telepathically communing with the ocean, which the group accepted without question. NOTHING is too weird for these people.

After that, they all prepared to leave, thanking Mayko soundly for showing them a good time—after all, no reason to poke fun at the fellow with the fish fetish. Before they could get more than a few feet away, something shiny distracted them… a giant harpoon that Mayko had lobbed at Yugi's feet. "I challenge you to a Duel! You will always remember this as the day that you almost stole fish from Captain J-Mayko Tsunami!"

"I knew something smelled fishy about this-"

Jenny stood on a nearby rock and clapped a hand over Tristan's mouth before he could say anything further, much to the relief of everyone else in the group.

As Mayko challenged Yugi to a duel, only Jenny noticed some sort of change come over the boy. And she only noticed because she was fighting with a hormonal spirit.

//I am NOT hormonal!//

[Then why are you trying to take control of my body if not to stare at the smexy form of your yummi Yami?

//I don't even know what that means, and I do not, at present, care. Now, give me control of the body!//

[NO!

//You are exceedingly childish.//

[If I had control of my mouth, I would stick out my tongue.

//And my point is proven for me.//

[Give. Me. CONTROL!!!

//You'll be sorry…//

[Are you threatening me?

//A LADY does not threaten… not that you would know.//

[Low blow, princess. Ouch, am I ever wounded.

//I am a PRIESTESS, not a princess, and you would do well to remember that-//

[Hahahahahaha! I have regained control! Go me!

Jenny took advantage of her newly recovered eyes to discover that the duel between Mayko and Yugi was well underway. [I hate it when that happens.

"Now, Stone Soldier, destroy the moon!" Yami commanded.

Jenny blinked, opened her mouth, closed it, and blinked again. "I think I might of missed something," she muttered.

She glanced around, searching for some clue as to the monsters she might have missed, while Yugi did something involving a dragon and fire. Then, her worst nightmare happened.

The Soldier Spoke. "That was hot," he said in a rough, deep voice.

"Oh, Anubis," Jenny swore, cursing Dahlia for influencing even her curses.

"Did… did the Stone Soldier just talk?" Tristan asked, slack-jawed.

"Aw, how cute!" Sanai squealed.

Tea's gaze turned to her. "How did you hit that pitch without your head exploding?"

Jenny investigated her glasses. "I think one of the lenses just cracked," she complained.

"She almost shattered me," the Stone Soldier added.

"You… why are you talking?" Joey asked.

"Um… no reason! Definitely NOTHING to do with me! In fact, the card probably isn't talking! You're all just sharing the same strange hallucination brought on by the mushrooms Mayko served with the fish."

Then, at the worst possible moment, Dahlia regained control.

"Actually," Jenny's body said with Dahlia's voice, "it has to do with me, rather than Jennifer. My power… the power of the Seal embedded in this bracelet… allows the cards to give voice to their heretofore silent thoughts." She knelt before Yami. "All for you, my Lord."

Jenny regained control and fell flat on her face. "Um, right," she said, coughing up sand, "Dahlia's insane. She's magical, she's insane, and she has access to my body. I think I'll just stay here on the beach and melt."

Everyone other than Sanai stared at her blankly. The youngest Valentine merely looked concerned, and said "You mustn't stay on the beach too long unless you've brought sunscreen. Otherwise, you could get cancer… or worse, wrinkles!"

"She needs to sort out her priorities," Tea muttered quietly.

"I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave my beach now. You're upsetting the ocean," Mayko claimed. "Isn't that right, Ocean?"

There was a pause as he looked expectantly at the large body of water. "The ocean says yes." ((AN- we love Little Kuriboh!))


	6. Mrs Zarves

Chapter Six: Mrs. Zarves

There is no chapter six because "six" is too close to "sex," and the authors wanted to keep Joey and Tristan on plot.

Also, one of the two authors is a Bakura fangirl and does not have the patience to sit through the Duel with the evil clown… aka ghost Kaiba.

We may or may not have a flashback later. However, there was one shocking twist: Mokuba got kidnapped!

What, not shocking? He has Dawn/Mary Jane syndrome, according to whether you like the Buffyverse or Spiderverse better.

Also, you get a cookie if you can explain our chapter title. A chocolate chip one.


	7. Accio Anglophiles

Chapter Seven: Accio Anglophiles

"I still don't understand why my sister is so intent on kicking Joey out of the tournament! I mean, to duel him herself is one thing, but to offer Rex sex in return for-"

"How do you know it was sex?" asked Yugi, honestly confused.

Sanai flashed him a look. "It's Mai Valentine. Trust me, it was sex."

"Fuggetaboutit, babe!" Joey slung one arm around Sanai, sending Tristan a victorious smirk. "I still beat him, AND I won his Red Eyes, Black Dragon—his most valuable card!"

"I have a question," Tea asked, turning to the newest member of the Scooby Gang, "why didn't the dragon speak?"

"Two reasons: one, the dragon isn't a humanoid card and therefore wouldn't be able to 'speak,' as such, only grunt. Two, Dahlia is the one who controls the power, and she had our power-tricity in the 'off' position." Jenny unconsciously adopted 'lecture mode' as she taught her friends about her life. It was a relief, really, to finally be able to tell other people about this… possession.

//It is NOT possession, as I am not a demon or Satanic creature.//

[You sure about that?

//Jennifer! Honestly, I occasionally find it difficult to ascertain exactly WHY I choose to spend time in your company!)

[(My charm and otherwise irresistible appeal?

//Or perhaps the Millennium Seal that you wear in that atrocious bracelet.//

[Atrocious? That bracelet is the HEIGHT of fashion!

//I mourn for fashion.//

"Jenny?" a voice interrupted Jenny and her inner dialog. She glanced up and saw Yugi staring at her with his concerned face on.

//You ended that thought in a preposition.//

"Yes?" Jenny asked, ignoring Dahlia's comment completely.

"I just asked if you were all right."

"Fine," Jenny smiled brightly. "Dahlia was simply being her normal, verbal voice in my ever-so-sane mind."

//snort//

[Oh, THAT'S ladylike, my Highest Priestess Princess chap.

//I shall not deign to answer that.//

[Ya just did Jenny's mindvoice carried the same gloating tone as that of a three-year-old going "nyah-nyah, etc."

"Ow!" Sanai said suddenly, immediately recapturing the wandering attention of her oh-so-gallant gentlemen.

Pouting slightly to cease the noise of many simultaneous inquiries as to the exact nature of her supposed affliction, Sanai explained "I think I'm developing a blister!"

"Oh, no!" Tristan said at the same moment that Joey asked "What can I do?"

"Would… would it be too much trouble to make camp? I mean, I could probably go further tonight if our plight requires it-"

"Camp time it is!" Jenny said cheerfully, used to interrupting long speeches. "Anyone bring S'mores?"

"Oh, don't remind us of time at a food like this!" Joey groaned.

"What?" Sanai asked blankly.

"I think lack of food has affected Joey's brain," Tea explained, rolling her eyes.

"How can you tell?" asked Tristan.

"Look!" Joey suddenly shouted, pointing at something at the edge of the natural clearing the sextet (humor ain't been lost yet) had chosen for their camping site.

"What?" the remaining quintet asked simultaneously like a well-rehearsed yet lame sitcom.

"Mushroom! Mushroom!"

"A snaaaaaake! A snaaaaaake!" Jenny shouted suddenly.

"Where?" Everyone glanced around fearfully.

"Um, nowhere. I just felt like singing… erm, saying that. Sorry," Jenny smiled sheepishly at the crowd whose expressions varied from confused to annoyed.

Meanwhile, Joey had taken advantage of Tristan's temporary distraction to grab the mushroom. "Haha!" he gloated, "now I have the mushroom, Tristan! I am the Food King!"

"Isn't that a grocery store?" asked Jenny, but no one heard her, as they were all distracted by Yugi's much louder shout.

"NO, JOEY!!! Wild mushrooms are poisonous!"

"Really?" asked Jenny.

Yugi nodded solemnly.

"Then what did the hunter-gatherers do before farming was invented and mushrooms could be domesticated? Did they just avoid the whole shroom family?"

"Um,"

Whatever clever reply/explanation Yugi was about to present was interrupted by the sound of a familiar drawl emitting from the shadows of the trees circling the clearing.

"Let him eat the mushroom. It would save us all quite a lot of trouble."

"Mai!" Tea spat, her expression of dislike mirrored on every face but Sanai's.

"What are YOU doing here?" Joey asked accusatively, pulling Sanai close to him.

In response, Mai pulled out a cylindrical shape out of her pack and slowly unwrapped it, revealing a long, thick piece of dark chocolate. Slowly, she opened her mouth and drew her tongue across the very tip of the chocolate—tasting it, allowing her tongue duck back in her mouth before she thrust the chocolate into the back of her throat, forcing down as much as she possibly could.

Joey groaned and murmured something unintelligible.

"Sorry, Joey," said Mai, looking anything but, "did I make you… hungry?"

"Come, Mai," Sanai pouted prettily, "play nicely, please!"

"And if you've got any more of those peni- peanut candy bars or whatever they are, please share?" asked Tea, her chocolate craving overcoming her natural dislike of Mai Valentine.

"I will gladly share food with my sister and my sister's little… friends" her hesitation was obvious, "IF and only if Joey here will ask me nicely." Mai smiled, seemingly sweetly… and sans seduction (this time).

"I don't know if I trust her…" Joey glared suspiciously at the woman whose picture is under the dictionary definition of "blonde bombshell."

Sanai gave him a patently false glare that did, however, offer an honest warning of worse things to come if she didn't get her way. "She's my sister, Joey. Or don't you trust ME?"

Joey hastened to reassure Sanai that she had not only his trust but his love, devotion, and half share in the beachside condo Joey had inherited from his parents. Then, before he could lose his nerve, he dropped down on one knee and played the gallant to Mai's lady.

She granted him the boon he asked and upended the contents of her knapsack onto the springy grass of the clearing. It appeared that Mai had robbed a vending machine before descending onto the island; she had countless arrays of everything from Reese's Cups to Sour Skittles to Hot Fries to Juicy Fruit. Before Joey could even think about how the Hot Fries would make him thirsty, he noticed a vast array of Pepsi products in both regular and Diet (after all, what Valentine girl would be caught dead drinking anything with calories?)

"Before we eat…" those dreaded words elicited groans from both Joey and Tristan, but they obligingly ceased reaching for the snackage before them. "You boys should do some chores. Yugi, Jenny, go get water. Joey, Tristan, you should collect firewood."

"I'm not a boy," Jenny muttered under her breath, obeying anyway.

"Yes m'am!" Tristan said smartly, pushing a less willing Joey in front of him. "Come on, Joey!" he muttered into Joey's ear. "You've got to swallow your pride if you're going to get one of those chocolate peanut bars that Mai had!" (("Swallow" snicker, snicker))

While the boys (and Jenny) were off doing manual labor, the three lovely ladies took turns showering and gossiping, each equally necessary for their continued sanity.

'Twas during the feast that followed that Mai started to realize that she was conversing with her sister's freaky friends… almost amiably. Like they were some sort of… friends. But Mai couldn't have friends! She was a duelist and would allow nothing to get in the way of a victory, especially not something as useless as "friendship."

"I've got to go take a walk!" she said suddenly, rising from one of the logs surrounding the friendly campfire (she shared a log with Sanai to keep her from sharing one with Joey) and turning abruptly, vanishing into the darkness of night.

She paused on the shore to take in the view. The stars were sparkling like diamonds, reflecting in the strangely still ocean waters. "I'd rather have ACTUAL diamonds," Mai said aloud, her voice echoing in the still, empty night air. Hmmm, the echoes had potential…

"But square cut or pear shaped these rocks don't lose- their shape!" Mai bellowed. "Diamonds are a girl's best-"

Her song was muffled abruptly by the hand that covered her mouth.

"Trust me, Marilyn" a gruff voice whispered into her ear, "don't quit your day job."

Meanwhile, back at Camp Duelist, "Let's play Spin the Bottle!" Sanai suggested brightly.

"Shouldn't we check on Mai?" Tea asked. She had quite warmed to the older girl when Mai had guarded her shower. "She's been gone an awfully long time."

"Eh, it's probably just some trick!" Joey was less than concerned, much more interested in the game his girlfriend had suggested.

//What is this 'Spin the Bottle?'//

[Hahahahahahahaha. Wait and see. It's much better as a surprise.

Any further arguing between the telepathic twosome was interrupted by an ominous rustling in the bushes.

"Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies!" shouted Jenny.

"Or maybe Mai…" suggested Tristan, giving the girl an odd look.

"She's probably been laughing at us the whole time!" Joey growled. "Come on out, Mai! Or we'll come in and get you!"

The bushes rattle further, and out stepped… a strange, rather effeminate boy. He was most definitely NOT Mai Valentine because despite the fact that he had long hair, his tresses were white rather than blonde, and his large eyes were doe-brown. A green collared shirt poked up out of a cream sweater vest with a blue stripe, hanging over a tight-fitting pair of blue jeans.

Everyone gasped in surprise. "It's Bakura!" Yugi breathed, stunned.

"See!" Tea proclaimed proudly, "I haven't been seeing things!"

"Who's Bakura?" asked Jenny at the same time that Sanai smiled and said, "Good evening, Bakura! My name is Sanai Valentine! It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

"Bakura's an old school chum," Tea explained.

"Chum, Tea? You've been hanging out with Brit Boy too much!" Tristan poked her side, less gently than he meant.

"Ow!" Tea said, rubbing her side.

"Brit Boy?" asked Bakura, amused. "I haven't lived in England in a year."

"Besides… Brit Boy makes Bakura sound like some sort of superhero," Joey added.

"Like Spiderman!" Tristan concluded, always ready to be helpful.

"Yes, Tristan, I'm Spiderman," Bakura smiled at his friends, and they all burst out laughing. ((A/N: Props to Lil' K))

When the septet ((not as fun, darn it)) had their mirth under control, Bakura turned towards Jenny. "I don't believe I caught your name?" he asked, his voice so soft she could barely hear it over the snapping, popping, and crackling of the logs.

She shot him a grin anyway. "The names Jennifer Hawthorne, but if you call me anything but Jenny I shall do something… not nice. I'm not sure what, but the consequences will be dire!"

"Then I shall be certain to refer to you only as Jenny." Bakura's response was equally quiet, and Jenny felt the urge to move closer to him on the log they shared. Purely for auditory reasons, of course.

//Auditory my-//

[Now, now, Priestess, watch your language!

//I don't like him.//

[Of course you don't. He's not dead, he's not Egyptian, and he's not a Pharaoh. That means he's pretty much screwed!

//Now who needs to watch her language?// Dahlia asked, sniffing primly. Jenny wasn't even sure how she could sniff without having a nose, but Dahlia had almost as many layers as an ogre, or possibly an onion.

"Is she… all right?" Bakura whispered to Yugi.

Tea overheard. "She's never 'all right,' precisely, but there's nothing horribly wrong at the moment. She's just a little…"

"Possessed?" Tristan offered helpfully.

"WHAT?" Bakura exclaimed, snapping Jenny and Dahlia out of the sanctum sanctorum of their mind… or minds, as the case may be.

"What what?" Jenny asked, looking around the campfire, her gaze resting slightly too long on Bakura's warm brown eyes…

//Now who's hormonal?// inquired Dahlia, a little snippily.

[I'm ignoring you. Jenny responded.

Meanwhile, Bakura was stuttering in a manner that Jenny found endearing and Dahlia found annoying. "Oh, well, er… you see…"

"Tea was telling him about how you're possessed by an evil sorceress," Tristan added, ever on the lookout to aid his friends by offering important, well-phrased information.

Dahlia's indignation carried her to the forefront of their shared mind. "Evil sorceress?" she asked, indignant.

[Yes, you evil lady, you stole my body! Give it back.

//No.//

[But I want my mouth back!!! Jenny made her whine extra-annoying just 'cause she could. Mind powers and telepathy and all that rot.

"If you're not evil, then how come you've taken over someone else's body?" Joey asked, tearing his attention away from Sanai long enough to join in the conversation. This was more difficult than it might have otherwise been as Sanai had taken full advantage of her sister's temporary absence to move from the dirty, splintery log to Joey's nice, warm lap.

"We have… an understanding" Dahlia explained delicately. "I do not… take over her body, as such. Instead, we share the use of her limbs. She aids me on a certain… quest" her eyes—both green—flashed to Yugi briefly enough that only Bakura noticed, "and in return, I aid her in Duel Monsters Strategy."

[By bringing the cards to life??? You've obviously confused 'aiding me' with 'distracting me so I can't concentrate on the game and therefore need your help'.

"Oh, so that's how come you can bring cards to life," Tristan commented, realization finally dawning. "Can we do it now? Joey, get out your Time Wizard. I wanna see if his voice is really as annoying as his pointy purple boots."

"I happen to LIKE purple boots," Sanai said, her voice slightly indignant.

"Um… me too… but just on girls" Tristan hastened to explain.

[You know what homophobia REALLY says about you… Jenny cursed the fact that she didn't have a mouth with which to voice that oh-so-brilliant comment.

//It was a Buffy quote. Not a brilliant comment.//

[See? You DID learn something from that time I showed you the entire sixth season in one day!

//Yes. I learned that I must control myself when I get the urge to skin you alive.//

[Temper, temper… Jenny was in full taunt-mode, trying to annoy Dahlia into surrendering her hold on Jenny's body.

"If Jenny could make any card talk, which one would you guys choose?" asked Bakura, curious. "What's your favorite card?"

"Actually, my name is Dahlia." Her voice had turned slightly colder. "And if you lot have decided to use my power for your own entertainment, allow me to retreat from this inanity and return to the private solace of my own chamber."

There was a pause. "What?" asked Joey and Tristan simultaneously.

"She means she's giving me back my body so she doesn't have to watch all the cards talk to each other," Jenny explained. "See? Even SHE finds it annoying, and it's HER blasted power!"

"Does that mean you'd rather us not choose our favorite card and give said card a voice?" inquired Bakura.

"On the contrary- you have my FULL permission to annoy Dahlia." Jenny flashed him a grin.

"Well in that case…" Joey pulled a card out of his deck and looked at it almost reverentially, "can you make the Flame Swordsman talk?"

"Haha- I always knew Joey was flaming!" Tristan shouted gleefully.

"It's the FLAME Swordsman, not the FLAMING Swordsman," Joey corrected haughtily. "Anyway, Sanai, what's your favorite card?"

"Oh, well, I've always loved Mystical Elf." Sanai opened her purple purse and withdrew her own deck (which was nestled in a fluffy, glittery purple card case). "What about you, Yugi?"

"Dark Magician," the boy said without hesitation.

"Really, Yugi? Really? The Dark Magician? He's such an emo!" Jenny's voice was laden with multiple levels of disgust.

Yugi shrugged. "I've always felt that… were we to ever meet… I could really trust him." He turned to Tea and Tristan in an effort to shift Jenny's attention and possible censure from him to someone else. "Tea? Tristan? I know you guys don't Duel, but you still have favorite cards, right?"

"Of course!" Tristan proclaimed loftily. "My favorite card is the Cyber Commander because it's such a MANLY card."

Tea shot him a look before she answered, "I really like the Magician of Faith."

"Another magician," Sanai said, glancing from Yugi to Tea and back again. Her matchmaker senses were tingling.

Tea blushed. "Um… Jenny!" she seized on her as the sure option to concentrate any and all attention on her, rather than on Tea. "What's your favorite card?"

"St. Joan," Jenny answered, reaching into her deck and pulling out a card. She glanced at it before showing it to everyone else, and groaned. "Tea asked me for MY favorite card, Dahlia, not yours!"

"What card did she choose?" asked Bakura.

"Dark Magician Girl," Jenny answered, wishing she could glare telepathically. "She reminds me of Sanai, personality-wise: the complete OPPOSITE of the Dark Magician. I wonder why they dated…"

"Awww, card love!" Sanai squealed. "That's so CUTE!"

"Um, yes" Jenny agreed. By all rights she should find Sanai annoying, but for some reason, she felt drawn to the cloying personality. She shrugged it off as an unimportant mystery. "What about you, Bakura?" she asked, smiling at him from her seat on the log neighboring his. "What's your favorite card?"

"My favorite is the Change of Heart." Bakura held up a card that had a strange mix of light and dark; it looked especially eerie in the flickering flames.

"Dude, your card is possessed too!" Jenny exclaimed cheerfully. "Your card and I are totally soulmates."

"What?" Tea, Tristan, and Joey asked simultaneously. Bakura and Yugi just looked silently confused, and Sanai was trying to figure out if this was cute or creepy.

"Nothing," Jenny said brightly. "I'm absolutely smurfy!"

This did nothing to reassure them over her sanity.

A sudden thought occurred to Joey, and he voiced it without hesitation. If Joey ever hesitates before voicing a thought, run for cover because it is one of the sure signs for an approaching Apocalypse. "Hey, why ain't the cards sayin' anything?"

"Oh, right," Jenny rolled her eyes as the sound of Dahlia's snicker echoed through her mind, "we kinda have to be in a Duel."

"We could have one right now," Bakura suggested, interrupting Joey and Tristan's simultaneous groans of displeasure, "not for starchips or anything… just for fun."

"That's a lovely idea!" Sanai said, smiling warmly at him. The other five people also made various sounds of agreement.

"All right, everyone should probably put their cards into either Yugi's or Bakura's deck," Jenny suggested, adopting a commanding tone that was eerily reminiscent of Dahlia.

"Add them to Yugi's, if you don't mind. I don't want to have any sort of advantage in our 'for-fun' duel." Bakura smiled hesitantly.

//I don't like this. There's something not right about it.//

[Yes, I'm so sorry that there's nothing IMPORTANT about this Duel. I know how much you hate just having 'fun.' I would tell you to just let your hair down, but it's MY hair and it's already down.

By the time Jenny and Dahlia had finished their Bastet-fight… erm catfight, Yugi had already organized all his cards.

"Are you sure you don't mind Dueling by yourself?" asked Jenny, concerned for Bakura.

"No, I'm quite all right," he said, smiling warmly at her. "However… before we begin, there is something I'd like to tell you lot."

Jenny fancied that she could hear his voice getting deeper in preparation for the testosterone-rush of a Duel.

Without further ado, Bakura formed both his hands into half circles and held them about chest level, as if making a circle with his fingers. He hummed slightly, not any tune that Jenny could recognize but just one long note that he held for seeming ages. As he stopped humming, a necklace appeared on top of his sweater. It was golden, with a circle on the outside and spikes running along the length of the circle. Inside the circle lay a pyramid with an eye at the tip, one that eerily resembled Yugi's puzzle and Jenny's bracelet.

"No!" Yugi gasped.

"A Millennium Item" Jenny breathed.

//If I were less of a lady, I would say 'I told you so.'// Dahlia said snippily.

"Indeed," Bakura smirked, "and the magic of my Millennium Ring will take us to the Shadow Realm!"

"Why are you doing this?" Sanai said, tears evident in her voice despite the fact that they had yet to run over her mascara-lined eyes (she had failed to put on the waterproof kind this morning, and darned if she'd look like a raccoon on the way to the Shadow Realm… wherever that was).

"You two" he turned towards Yugi and Jenny, "have something I want, and I aim to take it!"

A blue light shot out of Bakura's ring and separated itself into six parts. It then separated each of the six people from their souls. They collapsed backwards, and the light of their souls flew into Yugi's deck, disappearing amidst the cards.

Bakura cackled. He was trying for more of an evil laugh… wizard rather than wicked witch, but hey. At least nothing could go wrong now that he had trapped the souls of the sextet (you thought we'd forgotten? Silly people).

Slowly, reverentially, he approached the Millennium Puzzle. He had waited for YEARS to possess it, and finally, FINALLY, it was his. Just before he could touch the golden pyramid, the bracelet on Jenny's arm started shaking, and a very irate Priestess leapt out.

"Lay one finger on the Pharaoh, and you will pay!" she spat.

The Puzzle began to glow with a light of its own, and Yugi's body rose once more. He turned towards Dahlia. "Um… thank you?" he said, his usual eloquence erased by surprise.

"You don't remember me?" she asked, disappointed. She wasn't surprised—after all, she had assumed that she'd be the only one of the spirits with her memory intact—but disappointed nonetheless. It was always slightly disheartening to realize that one's soulmate, one's lifebond, one's one true love, had forgotten once completely in the intervening time of… oh, say five thousand years.


	8. Superman that Soul

_Chapter 8: Superman that Soul_

Yami turned back towards the British boy. "Bakura!" he barked. "What have you done? Why have you taken us to the Shadow realm?"

"So that you could watch me take your Soulja Boys… I mean your souls."

Yami and Dahlia looked confused, but both felt the strange urge to shout "Youuuuuuuuuu"

"Anyway, I'm not Bakura. I have much better hair. And better rhythm. He's vanilla, and I'm white chocolate."

Dahlia shot him a completely blank look, but Yami thought he remembered Yugi listening to some sort of Vanilla Ice-cream record once. "Are you saying that we should stop, collaborate, and listen?"

Bakura shuddered.

"Yes!" Dahlia exclaimed. "Let us collaborate! I could be an ideal partner in all things!"

"No matter how you two collaborate, I will still win. I have done terrible things to possess the Millennium Items—you don't know what I'm capable of! You don't know what I've done!"

"We do not, but we do know that you shall not succeed here!"

"Hear, hear!" Dahlia repeated.

Yami Bakura (who will heretofore be referred to as "William" because one of the two authors bears resentment towards a boy named "William," and "Yami Bakura" is too long to type) laughed maniacally. His evil laugh was improving, if he did say so himself.

"Yami," Dahlia whispered, leaning into the Pharaoh, "does that evil spirit have some sort of plague or disease of the throat?"

William didn't hear. "Whosoever posses all seven Millennium Items will possess power beyond imagination!'

"Well, good. He's not after mine." Dahlia seemed self-satisfied. "Why aren't you after mine? Is it not good enough? I'll have you know that eight is a perfectly lovely number. Henry the eighth was an excellent king, except for that little habit of chopping the heads off his wives. He did start the Church of England, which gave political clout to the entire Protestant movement-"

"I didn't come here for a history lesson!" William shouted. "I lived it, you insolent spirit. Didn't you notice the lovely necklace that his oldest daughter, Mary, always wore? I always hated those pesky Catholics."

"Why did you come here?" Yami demanded.

"To steal your Items, of course!"

"That will never happen!" Yami declared boldly as Dahlia muttered "I thought you didn't want mine."

"Then let the shadow games begin!"

"Hear, hear!" Dahlia repeated. "I'm coming out, so you'd better get this-"

"Complete that line, and I will put a cap in you-"

"Finish that sentence, and there will be Trouble. Right here in Shadow City."

A voice that sounded suspiciously like Jenny echoed up from the deck of cards that Yami was holding. "If the three of you don't shut up and start this game, I'm going to start singing MY music!"

"Get going! Get going! Play your cards!" Dahlia shouted, sounding panicked.

"Thank you!" said the tiny, satisfied voice.

"Who has the first move?" asked Yami.

"The first move is yours."

Yami looked at his deck. "For my first card… Cyber Commander—Tristan's favorite card."

Dahlia touched his shoulder gently. /You're warm in my hand, Mr. Todd/ she thought in a strangely British voice. Aloud, she said "I don't know if I-"

"Hush, Daphne. I'm dueling."

Dahlia looked offended. "All right then, Fred, I'll just wait over here then, shall I, while you kill your friends."

"Who's Fred?" asked Tristan, for indeed, there was a tiny Tristan in the scandalous outfit of the Cyber Commander on the… soul-stuff that created the faux arena. "Where am I? Am I dreaming? And how often did I go to the gym… no, how many steroids did Joey sell me?"

"Tristan?" exclaimed Yami, surprised.

"I tried to tell you, Shaggy," Dahlia said self-righteously. "The spirit that has possessed Bakura has also imprisoned the souls of your friends in their favorite cards. That is why we heard Jenny's voice earlier—it wasn't simply my powers reacting with the duel. My powers have very little effect here in the shadow realm."

"Perhaps your plans would work out better in the Mystery Machine!" William chortled evilly. (A/N: EVERYONE knows Scooby Doo. It crosses borders, eons, probably even space-time dimensions.) "As of now, though, even though your Tristan looks tough, with all those rippling muscles and clearly-defined abs… he's no match for The White Magical Pimp Hat! Pimp Hat, attack!"

Tristan started blankly at the oncoming Pimp Hat. He knew that there was no defense for the pimp-alicious monster (so delicious). "I must be dreaming," he muttered. "Yeah, that's it—this is a dream!"

The White Magical Pimp Hat beat Tristan over the head with his cane, while Tristan muttered something about bad chow mien and never eating anything Joey offered again. With just a touch of the White Magical Pimp Hat's purple-licious cane, Tristan disappeared!

"What has your pimp done with my ho- wholesome friend?" Yami asked, making a mental note to never, ever, ever let Grandpa pick the songs on a long car trip again.

William smiled evilly. "That brother got played and then discarded! He is now in what we Duel Monster players call the 'Graveyard.'"

"Can you really blame him, though?" came the faint sound of Sanai's voice from somewhere in the deck of cards. "I mean, it's hard out there for a pimp!"

"He killed Tristan, Sanai," Tea explained.

"Oh, how awful! Beat him, team! Go us!" After a pause, Sanai added "I can't do a proper toe-touch while still in the deck. I'm pouting now!"

William chuckled again. "When you do it in the Shadow Realm-"

"What?" Yami and Dahlia said at once, staring at William.

"I said, 'When you Duel in the Shadow Realm-'"

"That's not what you said."

"That's what I intended to say-"

"But it's not what you actually said," Dahlia corrected primly.

"It's the intent that matters, so-"

"No it's not! That's preposterous! If intent were all that mattered, I could say 'Yami, I have loved your very being for thousands of years, and I am incomplete without you by my side,' and then claim that all I intended to say was 'Hello.'"

"That, my ill-educated young spirit, is called a 'Freudian Slip'"

"Which means that you wanna do it in the Shadow Realm!" Joey shouted from the Deck. He had been paying attention ever since the magic words were spoken.

"The only thing I want to DO in the Shadow Realm is defeat you!" William shouted. In a quieter voice he added, "and I might also want to do Sanai at a later date, but"

"I'm a WASP!" shouted Sanai. "I don't do that sort of thing unless I love the boy or possibly girl in question.

"I love you," came a chorus of male voices.

"That's… open-minded of you" commented Tea.

William shook his head. "This is distracting! Play your next card, Yugi! Let us see which one of your friends you will sacrifice next."

Yami looked at his hand. He really did not want to sacrifice any more of his friends, but he had to save the friend he had already lost. Otherwise, he wouldn't be all noble and martyr-like, and then none of the girls would like him. "I'll play the only cards that are capable of defeating the white magical pimp hat: Joeys' favorite card, the Flame Swordsman, and Sanai's favorite card, Mystical Elf! I'm playing Joey in attack mode, and Sanai in defense."

Joey and Sanai appeared on the board. "Now, which of youse guys is the one who wanted to do my girlfriend?" Joey demanded, swinging his phallic symbol… um, sword like a madperson. 

"Don't hurt yourself, Joey—they're giants compared to us! We're just cards, and I'm a doll!"

"You sure are, doll," Joey smiled back at her, and then actually noticed the giant competitors. "Whoa! Normally when I dream of giant people, they're blonde volleyball players. This is new!"

"This isn't a dream, Joey, this is a Duel in the Shadow Realm. You have become the Flame Swordsman!"

Joey paused for a moment. "Maybe that's why I'm dreaming of guys."

"This is NOT a dream, and since I haven't yet taken up volleyball I expect you to wake yourself up next time you have one of those other dreams." Sanai's voice was much colder than it had previously been as she ignored his previous comment.

"Your cards are supposed to attack me, Yugi, not each other," William reminded him.

"Oh, right. Go-go Joey Ranger!" Yami commanded.

"This is the first time I've ever attacked a dude while wearing a dress," Joey commented, "but here goes nothing. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" He ran at the white magical pimp hat, gripping his huge sword tightly by the hilt, the handle slippery with sweat. "All right, pimp, let's see how you handle THIS action!"

Sanai did a back-handspring, landing lightly on her feet in time to applaud as her boyfriend sent the White Magical Pimp Hat back to his street-corner hussies.

William simply smiled, muttered a few phrases meant to strike nervousness into the hearts of Yami and Dahlia, but neither of them could really understand him because his accent had come back so strongly. He placed a magic card on the field and a monster card face down in defense mode.

Yami looked at his hand. "I'll play the Dark Magician, and also a magic card that allows me to bring the card of my choice back from the graveyard!" With that, a very small Yugi and a very confused Tristan appeared on the arena floor. "There's something out there, in the darkness. Something moving… and it's coming for you, Jack Harkness!" Tristan shouted.

Everyone simply stared at him.

He stared back. "Being dead is very traumatic."

"You weren't actually dead, Tristan, you were just in the discard/ graveyard pile," Joey explained

"You try dying sometime, Joey, and let's see how well you recover!"

"Why don't we try to keep anyone else from dying by letting me play?" Yami asked.

"Unless that kills you all!" chuckled William evilly, in an accent that sounded rather more like "Less 't ki llllllllllllllll" 

Everyone stopped staring at Tristan and started staring at William. "What?"

"What did you just say?" asked Dahlia, who never approved of people slurring their words. 

"Unless that kills you all," William repeated.

"You should come with subtitles," Jenny yelled from the deck. She figured that while she was bored out of her mind, she might as well form a peanut gallery of one!

"Yugi, if you're down here with us, who's up there?" asked Tristan, slowly recovering from death.

"Haven't you noticed, that when I duel, I sometimes get taller, and my hair changes colour?"

"I thought it was just your ego, or maybe the sunlight."

"No, it was my friendly neighborhood spider man, I mean magical spirit. He lives in the Millennium Puzzle, vacations in my brain, and has a summer home up in the Alps. On his days off, he takes over my body and wins duels for me."

"Kind of him," William commented.

"He's a very giving spirit."

"That still doesn't erase the need for you to MAKE A MOVE! I'm getting grey hair standing here, and I've been around since the pyramids were built!"

"Oh, right. Well, since I was just played, it's my turn to attack," Yugi said. "By your powers combined, I am DARK MAGICIAN!"

Sanai choked back the urge to shout "wind!" and instead watched as Yugi's power smashed a morphing jar, forcing both players to put all of the cards in their hands in the graveyard.

Yami investigated his new cards. "Oh, no! Magician of Faith and Dark Magician Girl!"

"Aren't those Tea's and Jenny's favorite cards, respectively?" William asked.

"Not only is he creepy, but he's got one of those photographic memories!" Tristan commented.

"Just because you can't remember something that happened more than ten minutes ago doesn't mean the rest of the world has photographic memories, Tristan," Joey responded.

"I still say he's a sketch-tastic creeper!"

"Excuse me Mr. Pot, but don't you think Mr. Kettle isn't all that black today?" a quiet voice muttered from the cards in Yami's hand.

William started to speak again. "Taunt, taunt, taunt, taunt, DANGER, taunt, taunt, DILEMMA, taunt" evil smirk "Taunt!"

"Wait, guys, that wasn't a taunt, that was a trap card!" Tristan exclaimed loudly.

"It's 'Just Desserts!'" William taunted.

"I could really go for some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies right now…" Joey muttered. "If that's what the card is offering, then it's ok by me!"

"The monster doesn't bring cookies like some sort of very confused and backwards Santa Clause! It takes 500 points from each of the monsters on the field in attack mode and subtracts it from your life points!"

"That's a lot of math for a ghostly hand!"

"Again, Tristan, just because you can't do something doesn't mean that anyone who can is an automatic genius," came a voice from the cards Yami was holding.

William glared at everyone in general. "I was in the midst of my taunting!"

"Sorry," Tristan apologized.

"As I was saying, each of your points feels as if it was ripped from your still-beating heart!"

"What's the pain-per-point ratio? How much does it hurt to rip one life point out of someone's heart? I didn't know hearts came with life points anyway. If you take too many life points away, does it mean you'll die of a heart attack? Is that all heart attacks really are—punishment for people whose opponents play this card?"

"I STILL HAVE TAUNTING TO DO, YOU SILLY TWIT!" William shouted, interrupting Jenny's barrage of questions.

"I told you your plan to annoy him to death wouldn't work on anyone other than me" Dahlia muttered.

"It hasn't even worked on you yet," Jenny pointed out.

"That is because I am already dead."

"So is he!"

"Now, I'm not usually one to interrupt a cat-fight" Tristan pointed out, "but I think we have to go to commercial."

"But Tristan, this is fan fiction. There aren't any commercials in fan fiction!"

"Oh, well then, fight away, ladies! Fight away!"

"Actually, the only fight that will be occurring now is the one in this Duel!" With that, Yami placed two cards on the board: the Dark Magician Girl in face up attack position and the Magician of Faith face down in defense position.

"I'm on the board!" Jenny screamed. "I'm not stuck in Yami's sweaty hand! No offence meant, Yami."

"None taken."

"I'm on the board! I'm on the board! Woohoo! Hey Sanai, can you teach me one of those cool acrobatic things?"

"If you teach her more than how to stand up straight, Sanai, the girl is likely to fall off the board and into the darkness of the Shadow Realm," Dahlia sniffed.

Jenny glared at the giant face of Dahlia. "If you weren't right—and also about a thousand pounds heavier than me—I would have to hurt you!"

"I know I'm supposed to be a secret, but this card is less than comfortable. Couldn't these card-coverings come stuffed with goosedown?" came a voice from the face-down card.

"Shhhhh!" came about seven different responses.

"Also, goosedown would be much too heavy for that dress," Sanai added.

Jenny turned and caught sight of mini-Yugi in the garb of the Dark Magician, smiling at Sanai. She stifled a snort.

"What's so funny, Jenny?" Yugi asked.

"Nothing!" Jenny claimed, biting back giggles.

"Come on, Jenny—you can't hide the humor! It's just not fair!" Sanai added.

"It's just—snicker—seeing Yugi—snort—in that tiny outfit—chuckle—when the normal Dark Magician—guffaw—is—is—HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAHAHAA!"

"I'll show you who's puny!"

"Water—I mean wait!"

"By your powers combined, I am Dark Magician!"

After a burst of magical fairy light, Yugi fell to the floor. "Help! I'm paralyzed!"

"Shouldn't your mouth be… not moving?" asked Tristan.

"It's not finished yet."

"Did you 'ear 'im?" asked Joey in a suddenly-cockney accent. " 'E says 'e's not dead!"

"No he didn't… he said he wasn't paralyzed yet," Tea corrected from under her non-goosedown card.

"I feel happy! I feel happy!"

"No you don't, you're paralyzed!" William glared.

"I think I'll go for a walk."

"Not yet, you won't. It's Bakura's turn because I just played a card face down when no one was watching."

"I was watching," Dahlia countered.

"And wasn't that Bakura renamed by the authors?" Tristan asked.

"Tristan, stop breaking the fourth wall!" Tea glared out from under her card.

The non-paralyzed boys and Jenny jumped in front of her to hide her. (Sanai would have, but it's really hard to jump in heels!)

"Don't bother I can see her as clearly as Clark Kent can see Lois Lane's undergarments. And now, before I introduce my next card, it's time for a karaoke break."

William (good job Tristan, for paying attention!) cleared his throat and began, "She'll only come out at night—the lean and hungry type. Nothing is new; I've seen her here before… watching and waiting"

"That's enough! Just play the card already!" Jenny demanded.

"What card is it?" Tristan asked.

"Why, Hall & Oats Maneater Bug! It reached #1 on the charts when the card was released in 1982."

"What does it do?"

Jenny sighed. "Tristan, haven't you been paying attention long enough to know that if left alone, any given Duelist will go on a monologue that explains precisely what his or her card does, and occasionally how to defeat it?"

"Oops. Sorry."

The still-not-quite-fully paralyzed Yugi gasped "Maneater can destroy one card on the field as soon as it's flipped up!"

"One of us must die?" Tristan gasped dramatically as Sanai said brightly, "This calls for a super-secret-awesome planning session!"

SUPERSECRETAWESOME PLANNING SESSION OCCURING—SHHH

"Ok, everyone ready?" Sanai asked. "Yes? Then, break, team! Go us! We need a team name."

"We'll work on that after I'm done playing Jesus, ok?" Joey shook his head.

"Look at my man, sacrificing himself for the good of the group. How noble!"

"You know, Sanai, I was in the graveyard too," Tristan pointed out.

"Oh you poor dear! However did you manage to bear up under the load of death? Few people recover from that!"

Joey ran at the face-down bug, and as he plunged his sword, music could be heard echoing in the Shadow Realm (how a place without walls can echo, no one is really sure): "Oh-oh here he comes. Watch out, boy—he'll chew you up! Oh-oh here he comes. He's a maneater!"

"I play the Celestial Horn… believe it!"

With that, the Maneater and his music disappeared into the graveyard with Joey riding on his back. Now, that's a horse of a different color… and size, and general shape.

William chuckled evilly and began taunting the very-shaken tiny people on the game board. Sanai and Tea held each other for support while Tristan tried not to betray his best friend's memory by having too many fantasies of the two girls making out. Sanai had already cried a good deal while somehow not messing up her mascara or purple eyeliner, but as soon as Tea's first tear hit the card on which she was standing, a crazy light started to glow.

"Who put LSD on the board?" Tristan asked.

"Don't go toward the light!" Jenny yelled.

"Shiny." Tristan added.

"Tea has activated the secret power of her card, meaning I can take one card from the discard pile and add it to my hand. I choose you, Pikahcu!" 

"Pikachu isn't a card, Yami, he's a Pokemon." Dahlia whispered into his ear.

"Aren't there Pokemon Cards?"

"Not in this universe. Sorry."

"All right, then. I suppose I'll choose Reborn the Monster!" Yami proclaimed

"Monster Reborn" Dahlia whispered

"Monster Reborn!" Yami proclaimed.

With that, Joey appeared on the shadow duel plane thing again, curled into the fetal position. Slowly he rose and began singing. "I am not dead yet—I can dance and I can sing. I am not dead yet—I can do the Highland Fling! I am not dead yet—no need to go bed! No need to call the doctor 'cause I'm not yet dead!"

William interrupts. "Before you join in his musical number, possibly win a Tony and most definitely put this at risk for copyright infringement, I feel the need to rant more."

"The fourth wall isn't made to be broken, you know," Tea muttered, irritated.

"Well, actually it depends on what era of literature you consider. Playwrights as far back as those writing under Queen Elizabethan I broke the fourth wall for dramatic effect, and novelists such as Charles Dickens addressed their readers often," Sanai commented.

"Still ranting!" William glared. "Also, I play the Lady of Faith in attack mode, and Change of Heart, which will make all of your friends turn against one another!"

"I thought that was high school," Jenny muttered.

Sanai patted her on the back. "Don't worry, Jenny! Like George Michaels always says: You've gotta have faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-uh"

"Change of Heart?" Tiny, apparently no-longer-paralyzed Yugi commented, surprised. "Isn't that-"

"Bakura's favorite card!" Jenny exclaimed.

"I activate Change of Heart to take over Yugi and make him do evil things to his friends, like TP their houses and borrow money from them without ever giving it back!"

"The horror! The horror!" everyone gasped together.

Then, tiny Bakura appeared on the field. "I activate my free will!" he yelled, diving not into Yugi but instead into the Lady of Faith.

"Look—even Bakura's gotta have faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-uh," Tristan pointed out.

"Sanai's George Michael impression was way better," Joey proclaimed.

"Now—quickly—attack me, sending me to the graveyard and defeating Wil—evil Bakura!"

"No! Save Bakura! Save the world!" Jenny yelled.

"Will do," Yami said. "I activate, my Millennium Puzzle! to the Americanized 'Speed Racer' theme "Go M-Puzzle! Go M-Puzzle! Go M-Puzzle! Go-oooh!"

The magic of Yami's M-Puzzle swapped the soul stuff of Big Bakura and Little Bakura like in that Freaky Friday movie with Lindsey Lohan, from back before she became a drug addict. "Now, Yugi and Jenny, you two can work together to defeat W-evil Bakura!"

"But didn't they already defeat Weevil?" asked Tristan, confused.

"I still can't do anything. He still looks like MY Bakura! I mean… the Bakura whom I just met last chapter, who cannot conceivably be called mine in any way, not even in my daydreams, and Yugi, maybe you'd better do something now."

"FIRE away!" Joey shouted.

"By your powers combined, I am Dark Magician!"

With just a wave of his magic wand, everything was back to normal, except for the fact that William disappeared, and everyone not possessed of a Millennium item was still unconscious.

"Bakura, where did you get your Millennium Ring?" Jenny asked to make conversation and not because she had any sort of ulterior motive at all.

"My father found it in Egypt. He had to duck down a little-used alleyway because the streets were filled with dancing animals singing "Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali-Ababwa!" Behind some cracked urns and pottery covered in what he sincerely hoped wasn't ashes, he found this ring! The man who sold it to him said it had something to do with Duel Monsters, so my father gave it to me. He always thought I should have a hobby."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (and by ranch we mean the bushes like ten feet from where Jenny, Yugi, and Bakura are talking), the other two guys and two gals began to wake from their shadow-induced slumber.

"Sleep well, guys?" Bakura asked.

Joey and Tristan, filled with vaguely-defined fright, leapt up and grabbed the closest things at hand… each other.

"Ew!" they shouted, while Sanai, looking rather more like Paris Hilton than she ever had before and hopefully ever will again, commented "That's hot." The two boys sprung back and landed in the bushes, much to the amusement of the rest of the group and the slight disappointment of Sanai.

"Let's talk about our dreams to grow closer as a team!" Tea suggested, but before anyone could begin, a scream rang out over the quiet, sleeping forest.

"What's that?" Yugi asked

"That's my sister!" Sanai blanched.

"Don't worry—Team… we need a team name. Team Yet-to-be-named To the Rescue!"

"I like 'Team Joey.'"


End file.
